


Arrangement

by mochiflowers



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-07-04 23:37:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 36,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15851763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochiflowers/pseuds/mochiflowers
Summary: Years after losing touch with each other, Yuzu and Zhenya run into each other in Japan at Christmas, but things have changed considerably. A simple, fairytale-ish story, no realism here whatsoever. <3





	1. It's Been a Long Time

"How much longer are you going to look at those before you decide?"'

The sound of his mother's voice broke into Yuzuru Hanyu's thoughts as he sat in the brightly lit living room of his home in Sendai, Japan. How long had he been staring at the photographs in the binder? Where had his mind been? It was hard to say.

He closed the folder slowly. "This is an important decision. You know I always take my time with decisions." Music choices, program layouts, costume selections... girls.

"The decision isn't final. You're just choosing who to take to dinner," Yumi Hanyu said reassuringly as she picked up the cups and dishes leftover from their afternoon tea. "I don't mean to rush you. I'd just love for something to work out while you're home for the holiday. We just want to see you happy, you know?" She gave him a smile before leaving him in relative peace on the couch.

Happy? Yuzu's eyes opened wide and he took a deep breath as he opened the binder again. Would meeting any of these girls make him...happy? Happiness to him was the smile of someone he'd made proud, the roar of the audience after a performance well done, shiny circles of gold hidden away in his room, and the feeling like he had done something to make someone's life better that day. But a relationship? It wasn't that he didn't appreciate a pretty face. There just hadn't been time, or the need, or... Well, nothing had worked out that way. But now that he was older, retired from competing--there were no more excuses anymore. It was time to do what was expected of him.

The faces and facts looked back at him from the page. Yes, it was just going to dinner, but going to dinner meant a choice. She--whoever she was--would understand as well as he did what that choice meant. But he'd never made wise choices in this arena, had he?

" _Okaa-san_ ," he suddenly called out, clapping the binder closed.

Yumi reappeared from the kitchen.

"Did you decide?"

"No," he said, and her face fell a little. But then he held the book out to her. "Just choose for me. I don't want to."

"Yuzuru--are you sure you want me to be the one to make this decision?"

"Isn't that why they call it 'arranged'?"

"It's not like that anymore," she said gently. "It's not like parents force someone on their children with no input. It's just a service to help people who are compatible find each other when they don't have the ability to do it themselves."

Yuzu sat up a little straighter, a frown creasing his forehead. "The ability?"

Yumi chuckled at his ire. "Don't take it so personally.”

"I have plenty of ability," Yuzu said quickly, and suddenly he opened the folder again. "This one. There. I'll go out with her."

Yumi came around to the table to look at the picture he was pointing to. "I was thinking of her, too," she nodded. "She looks sweet and innocent. Comes from a well-to-do family. This is a good choice. I'll let the agency know."

 

\---

 

Two days later, Yuzu found himself seated at a table at the sky view restaurant of the Westin hotel in downtown Sendai. It was a private, exclusive sort of place, and in the dimly lit atmosphere, it wasn't likely that he'd be recognized, or at least bothered. He took a moment to examine the girl across from him. She was clearly younger than he was, with soft pale skin and delicately done make-up. Her name was Misaki. She looked... nice enough, Yuzu thought.

"I was... very shocked to hear who I would be meeting," she said softly. 

Yuzu cleared his throat. "I hope it wasn't a shock in a negative way." Perhaps a quiet, demure girl like herself wouldn't want the hassle of being with someone like him, knowing that she was about to be scrutinized by all the protective aunties in Japan, and then some.

She gasped a little. "How could you say something like that? I couldn't think of anything better. Everyone knows how wonderful you are. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now," she said, dropping her eyes shyly

Yuzu shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Well, this might be worse.

"I've been following your career for years, honestly," she went on, looking up again. "I'm so impressed by what you've done for this city, for everyone who was affected by the disaster. Not to mention that you've made the whole country proud. And who doesn't love watching you skate?" she giggled into her napkin.

Yuzu forced a laugh. "Well, sadly for you, I don't skate publicly as often as I used to anymore."

"I know," she sighed. "We all miss you here."

Just then their meal arrived, and Yuzu quickly pretended to be fascinated by the intricately plated food in front of him to avoid keeping eye contact with the doe-eyed girl in front of him. Maybe every man wanted his future wife to gaze at him adoringly the way this girl was looking at him right now, but that should have come after a relationship was already established, right? Not five minutes into their first conversation.

"Are you really happy in Toronto? Don't you want to come back and live in Japan?"

Yuzu stared at her. What was this? Why was she asking things like this when they had just met? He hadn't even mentioned where he lived, but she somehow already knew. What else did she know about him? Probably... everything. And he knew absolutely nothing about her. It was unsettling, but he tried to push past it. Wouldn't this be the case with everyone, after all?

"Let's not talk about me," he said, taking another bite of food. "What do you do?"

She blushed. "Well, I'm not nearly as interesting as you are."

Yuzu swallowed. Her statement seemed less like humility and more like a general placement of him upon a pedestal, as so many had done before her. Maybe this was why he'd avoided meeting women on his own--everyone viewed him this way.

Well, not everyone. Back in Canada, he was just Yuzu. In the skating community, he had friends, people who knew him for who he really was, not just his public persona. That's why he had stayed there after retiring--not because he didn't miss home--but because, for some reason, it had begun to feel like home, too.

"Do you like to travel?" Yuzu suddenly asked.

"Well, I haven't traveled much," the girl shook her head. "I was kind of sheltered growing up. I don't speak English very well..." her voice trailed off.

Yuzu smiled, continuing to eat. "I was sheltered a bit, too. And I hated speaking English at first. But it's useful if you want to travel."

She shrugged. "It's probably too late for me to learn, though. And why would I really need to go anywhere else? Japan has everything."

Yuzu nodded absently, taking a sip of water as he looked out the window at the Sendai skyline. He used to think that way, too. But he was different now. Time, and experiences, and.... people... had changed him. Without warning, a memory flashed through his subconscious, and a sharp pain hit him in the chest, making him suddenly choke on the water.

"Yuzu _-kun_! Are you all right?"

Yuzu's eyes darted to the young woman's, and her face suddenly paled, then turned crimson all in one quick second.

"I'm so sorry. I meant, Hanyu- _senshu_ ," she faltered.

"No, it's fine. I'm fine. I mean...excuse me for just a moment," he said, and in the next instant, he found himself rushing from the table towards the men's room. But he never made it there. Instead, in the empty hallway, he leaned against the wall, coughing a bit and catching his breath, staring at his feet. Where had that memory come from all of a sudden? Why now?

_Click. Click.... click._

The sound of expensive shoes on the marble floor jolted him back into reality, and his vision focused on the pair of shoes that owned the sound. Stilettos. Black stilettos, to be exact. Creamy smooth skin, long legs and shapely calves led to a well-fitted skirt hugging the curves of a small waist and slim hips, the proportions of which looked oddly familiar--so familiar, in fact, that Yuzu couldn't raise his eyes further, afraid that they were playing tricks on him.

But then the voice came, and the words he had never expected to hear tonight.

" _Hisashiburi..._ Yuzu _._ "

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hisashiburi = long time no see/it's been a long time.
> 
> Hi again! It didn't take me long to come back to writing for this tag, haha. This won't be anywhere near the length of my last work, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. I honestly thought I had some time to focus on this before getting completely distracted by reality, but then Yuzu drops Media Day on us like a bomb, and the season is coming soooooo fast now (yay, though), so I'm not sure yet how quickly I'll get chapters up. But! I have several already written that just need refining so they will be coming soon. :)


	2. What Are You Doing Here?

Yuzu froze, his fingers gripping the wall for support. How long had it been since he had heard that voice? No, he was just imagining things. She couldn't be here. It was impossible. But a lilting laugh greeted his ears next. That laugh was unmistakable. It was her.

" _Daijoubu_?"

He suddenly straightened up, and finally his eyes lifted to the young woman in front of him.

Evgenia Medvedeva. She was everything he remembered, but at the same time, some things seemed so completely different. She was taller--no, that must have been from the heels. It was what she was wearing, wasn't it?--a gorgeous business suit, a flattering statement necklace, and drop earrings that caught the light and refracted it like sparkles on an ice costume would. And she looked older--more worldly, polished. She'd always been beautiful--but how was it possible that she was even more beautiful now?

_What are you thinking about, Yuzu?  Snap out of it. Say something._

"I'm fine," he said in English quickly, clearing his throat. But was he? "What are you doing here, Evgenia?"

She smiled. "Shouldn’t I be asking you the same thing?" she responded, but not in English.

Yuzu stared her, blinking in surprise. "Since when do you speak Japanese so well?" And why was the sound of the words coming off her tongue so breathtaking?

She laughed again and the sound sent a warm shiver rushing through Yuzu against his control. "I've been living in Tokyo for almost two years now, Yuzu. Of course I've learned the language."

"Of course," he said. Living here... for two years? But now was not the time to admit that he'd had no idea that she had moved to his home country. "What exactly are you doing here?"

She shook her head, smiling. "So you haven't kept up with my life, have you?"

"I meant here in Sendai," Yuzu tried to cover quickly..

"I'm just in town for the evening, actually. I'm going to the Pageant of Starlight. You must be here for Christmas with your family," she said. But Yuzu's head was spinning and he only managed to nod.

There was a long pause, and then she spoke again. "Well, then." Her voice sounded far away now. "It was good seeing you, Yuzu."

And then suddenly, she was turning around, leaving, walking down the hallway, her heels making that pretty, maddening sound again.

_Click, click…click, click._

Yuzu's body kickstarted back to life. Maybe there was a reason that memory had appeared out of nowhere earlier. Maybe there was a reason she was here tonight.

“Zhenya, wait.”

Without thinking, he bolted forward, grabbing her arm to stop her. Zhenya’s gaze dropped down to his hand and then slowly lifted to his. In the low light, Yuzu imagined he saw something flicker in her eyes, and his stomach flip-flopped just like it had so many times before, his heart beating fast with the realization of how close they were standing together after having been separated so long. How long this moment was taking, he had no idea. But then she cleared her throat, pulling her arm out of his grasp, motioning with her head at something behind him.

“Hanyu- _senshu_?”

Yuzu’s stomach dropped and his cheeks flamed. He whirled around to see his date frowning at him.

“Misaki- _san_.”

“I was getting worried about you,” she said. “What’s going on here?”

“I---just...ran into someone I knew,” Yuzu stammered.

Misaki paused for a long moment and then nodded slowly.

“That was Evgenia Medvedeva, wasn’t it?” she said. “You used to be in love with her, didn't you? Or… are you still in love with her?”

Yuzu gaped at her, eyes wide. How could she know? Oh, right. She knew everything. But still, how could she just say that in front of Zhenya?

“Don’t worry, she didn’t hear me,” Misaki said as if she’d read his mind.

Yuzu finally turned back around, and his shoulders dropped. He didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. Either way, Zhenya was gone.

“Yuzuru- _san_ ,” Misaki said, calling his attention back to her. "I have to ask you. Why are you here if you already have someone else you like?”

Yuzu stared at her, her boldness surprising him. But her question was fair. And suddenly, he didn’t know the answer.

 

\---

 

Dazed, Yuzu settled into the back seat of the car. This was not how he expected this evening to go.

“Ready to go home?” his driver asked from the front.

“ _Hai_ ,” Yuzu nodded quietly, and then closed his eyes, dreading the idea. Of course his mother would want to talk about Misaki. But there was only one girl on his mind right now. _Zhenya._ Up til now, he thought he’d carefully packaged up all those memories, neatly storing them in the back of his mind. But now, seeing her again like this… suddenly he had an incredible urge to rip into them, like a kid tearing open presents on Christmas morning. _Let me just look at them for a little while_ , Yuzu thought. _Let me remember how wonderful they were._

The memories started slowly. Her smile. The way she moved across the ice. Her laugh when he’d done something that amused her. The look of determination on her face when she attempted a difficult element.

And then, the memories became clearer, bringing with them all the feelings he’d tried to forget. How natural everything had felt with her. How easy it was to relax in her presence. How she inspired him with the smallest of things. 

They’d always been friends, but after she’d come to Toronto, everything had changed--but not in the way everyone guessed. Yes, a couple of rumors had threatened their friendship at first, but Yuzu would never forget the night Zhenya came to him and asked if they could decide to forget about all of that and just be themselves again. Her words had given him freedom and strength, and from then on, their friendship was closer than ever before. She pushed him when he thought he couldn’t give any more. She’d challenged him to think in different ways about skating, about the world, about life.

If anyone had ever given him happiness, it had been Zhenya.

And then, _that_ memory came crashing back into his head.

The realization of both their dreams coming true, followed by a brief, wonderful, awful moment of… thoughtlessness.

Giddy voices echoed in his head. His voice. Her voice. “You did it.” “Can you believe it?” Flashes of gold, a ribbon surrounding her small neck, her fingers touching the medal on his chest. “They’re ours, Zhenya.” “It’s amazing.” “You’re amazing.” And then, his lips colliding with hers.  

And just like that, everything had been lost.

He’d never forget the look of shock on her face when he’d pulled away. He should have said something, but he could think of nothing. It had surprised him as much as it had surprised her.

The next few days were filled with uncertainty, wondering what he should say, wondering what she was thinking, wondering what should happen next. But then she’d come to him to say goodbye. Her friendly smile and cordial hug had told him all he needed to know. That just like before, the first time things had been awkward between them, she wanted to just forget about it and pretend like nothing had happened. But he couldn’t forget that it had happened. With that one kiss, in that one moment, he’d realized the truth--that somehow, he'd fallen for Evgenia Medvedeva. But then, just like that, she was gone. Back to Russia. Out of his life. And then, busy schedules and time zones gave him enough time to come up with a million reasons why he should forget, too. Why they couldn’t work. The language barrier. Their families. Their schedules. Their fans. Surely she was thinking of the same reasons. That's why she only wanted to be friends. And so he’d quietly boxed up the memories and the feelings, and drowned himself in the busyness of appearances, shows, and finally coaching. It was for the best, Yuzu had thought.

But that was then. Things were different now. The fans weren’t as crazy as they used to be. She was grown up now, living on her own. And, by some miracle, she spoke his language now. Maybe there was a reason he’d run into her tonight. Maybe they could have a chance, now.

A feeling of hope stirred inside of him. If only they could talk again, really talk. Maybe they could go back to how they used to be. And maybe, this time, he could show her that there could be something more, too. Maybe he really could forget this arranged marriage business and find happiness on his own. It was worth a shot, wasn’t it?

Suddenly he found himself sitting up, leaning towards the front seat of the car.

“Driver- _san_ , I changed my mind. I need to go back to the city.”

“But we’re almost home, Hanyu- _senshu_.”

“I need to go back.”

“If you wish. Where to?”

“The Pageant of Starlight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Pageant of Starlight is a Christmas light event that takes place every year in downtown Sendai and is one of the biggest in Japan.
> 
> \---
> 
> Sorry it took a while to get this chapter up! Things have been busy, and I was wavering on a couple of writing choices--mainly whether or not to include Zhenya's POV. I had almost decided to leave it out, but then working through the plot some more, I realized I couldn't leave it out :) even though it may make it a little longer than I intended. I'm actually very happy with this decision, because I missed writing from her perspective. So, the next chapter will be from Zhenya... and speaking of Zhenya, I am even more excited because yesterday I was surprised with tickets to SCI. I won't be going to all the events but I will be seeing Zhenya's tango!! And so many other of my faves, a couple of whom will be making small appearances in this fic. XD I'm so excited. It's like Christmas in September....like this story, haha. Hope you enjoy!


	3. Pageant of Starlight

**Zhenya**

As soon as she rounded the corner of the dark hallway, Evgenia Medvedeva flattened her back against the wall, breathing hard. The last two years spent working in the throes of Tokyo's cutthroat fashion industry had taught her plenty about professionalism and how to keep her emotions in check, or so she'd thought. But now, suddenly years of practice seemed to be melting away faster than ice in summertime. Yuzuru Hanyu had always had a way of completely dismantling her well-built walls. That's what had gotten her into trouble in the first place, so long ago. But she'd spent years fortifying those walls since all of that, and for some reason she'd thought they'd be impenetrable now. But no, in one split second, with one single look, her defenses were crumbling again. Just like they had more than two years ago.

Things had always been... complicated... with Yuzu. In the beginning, it had been easy, a young friendship slowly built on joking around and challenging each other. But then rumors about something more between them began to swirl in the media, threatening to tear their friendship apart. Yuzu had seemed to want to distance himself, and she, too, had wanted to avoid entertaining the idea of feeling more for him than she should. So instead of losing him entirely, she’d resolved to only think of him as friend. And that worked--for a while. But years went by, and her resolve slowly faded as the rumors died down, her walls slowly lowering to let him in. After all, what could be the harm in enjoying those little glances he gave her across the ice, the smiles sent her direction when she’d done something he was proud of? What could be the harm in watching movies together, playing video games together, trying new foods together? What could it hurt? Could it hurt to take him on her secret explorations when they traveled to events in exciting new places? Could it hurt to sit next to him on the plane rides home, pretending she didn’t know her arm was touching his in the dark? Could it hurt to love him… just a little?

But it could hurt. And it did.

It had been an accident, that day, in the bottom of Capital Stadium in Beijing, when Yuzu found her after the medal ceremony. It had all seemed so surreal, the fact that she’d finally won her most coveted gold, that she’d proved everyone wrong, that her country was proud of her, that they were on top of the world together. But none of that was as surreal as when Yuzu kissed her.

Maybe she could have forgotten it if it had just been a quick peck, something she might have been able to call misplaced congratulations. But it had been a kiss--a real kiss, long and full and...maybe almost...passionate, his soft lips pressing deeply against hers, his hands impulsively taking hold of her body and pulling it close to his. For one brief moment, she let herself dream that maybe he felt the same as she did. But then, he’d pulled away suddenly, and she knew it must have been because his senses had come back to him. She’d never forget the look of shock in his eyes. And the awkward silence that followed could only mean one thing--that he’d just been caught up in the high of moment, and now he regretted it. It had been a mistake.

And in that moment, both her best friend and the boy she loved were gone. And it hurt.

She remembered the feeling of desperation in the short, rushed days that followed, like everything was slipping through her fingers. And so, in one last attempt to save things between them, she’d put her feelings aside once again before they parted, giving him a smile and saying goodbye nicely before she left for home. Maybe once the post-Olympic rush was over, they could talk again--figure things out. But there were only short messages exchanged here and there after that, and never any mention of what had happened. And slowly, the messages stopped coming altogether. And slowly, she realized that this must be what he wanted. To forget. So she forced herself to forget, too. And slowly, she rebuilt her walls. She wouldn’t be so stupid as to let herself get hurt again.

That was part of growing up, wasn’t it--realizing that you couldn’t just give your heart away to anyone who made it flutter. She’d learned her lesson. She needed to be practical and sensible now. After all, being practical and sensible was what saved you from heartache. And so, she disconnected from the fantasy of the skating world, got a 9-5 job that took up all her energy, and started a new life.

And that's how she’d moved on. And that’s why she had a man like Kentaro Yoshida in her life now. An attorney from downtown Tokyo, Kentaro was older, calm and stable, and he’d been clear about his intentions from the start. Sure, there were no fireworks or sparks flying or anything like that, but that’s what made her feel safe enough to move forward with him. Wasn’t a lasting, mature relationship about compatibility, companionship, mutual respect? Those heart-pounding, stomach-twisting feelings she used to get had no place in her life anymore.

_Then why did my heart race again just now? Why does my face feel like it's on fire?_

Zhenya shook her head, forcing those thoughts away. This was not the time to be reminiscing about the past. After all, Yuzu had moved on, too. It was time to get back to dinner with Kentaro.

 

\---

 

Thousands of sparkling Christmas lights, wrapped around hundreds of zelkova trees, illuminated the night as Zhenya made her way down the Jozenji-Dori boulevard with Kentaro later that evening. The Pageant of Starlight was one of the biggest Christmas light spectacles in Japan, Wakaba had informed her earlier that day--”sure to make a romantic evening,” she’d said. The feeling wasn’t exactly romantic, Zhenya noted, with Kentaro intensely explaining the details of his latest courtroom case as they walked. But that was fine with her. Kentaro was smart and interesting and successful, and that’s all she needed. Still, it was hard not to notice all the couples so obviously in love surrounding them, staring either up into the lights or adoringly into each other’s eyes. _Just ignore them_ , Zhenya told herself. Still, her eyes kept being drawn back to them and gradually she began to realize that most of them weren’t just looking at the lights. It was more like they were examining the trees, searching… for something.

“What’s everyone looking for?” she wondered aloud.

Kentaro shook his head. “I’m not sure. It’s my first time here, just like you.”

Just then, an unfamiliar voice broke into their conversation.

“So you want to know about the lights, do you?”

Zhenya turned, and to her surprise, an old Japanese woman bundled up in warm wraps was standing behind them, raising her eyebrows and nodding knowingly as she sagely tapped her cane with mittened fingers.  

“Oh, I--ahh--was just wondering--are people looking for something in the trees?” Zhenya asked, a little caught off guard by the woman’s sudden appearance.

“They surely are, my dear. You see, among the 600,000 lights, there is one single, magical pink light, hidden somewhere up in the trees. Find it, and you find happiness,” the grandmotherly woman said, her wrinkles forming a radiant smile. “Find it with your love, and you’ll live happily ever after.”

Zhenya stared at the woman for a second, a strange feeling settling over her. And then she scoffed inwardly. _A magical pink light._ As if a Christmas light could give someone happiness.

“What do you think? Should we look, too?” Kentaro asked eagerly, and for some reason that made Zhenya feel even more unsettled.

“Oh no, let’s just enjoy our walk,” Zhenya shook her head. And then she turned slightly away to whisper under her breath to Kentaro. “You don’t really believe in things like that, do you?”

“It’s Christmas. Magical things happen at Christmastime,” the old woman interjected. “All you need to do is believe.”

Zhenya turned back to the old woman, putting a polite smile on her face. “Thank you so much for explaining it to us. Have a merry Christmas.”

“You, too,” the woman nodded, and Zhenya was sure her eyes actually twinkled.

“Everyone’s looking, aren’t they?” Kentaro drew her attention away. “Are you sure you don’t want to?”

“Let them have their fun,” Zhenya laughed. “That’s entirely too much work. Besides, how many lights did she say there were?” She glanced back at the woman. But then she blinked, doing a double-take. Where had she gone? The woman had completely disappeared. A chill rippled through her, making her shiver in spite of herself, and she pulled her long coat tighter around her.

“Are you cold?” Kentaro asked.

“Mmm, maybe...a little,” Zhenya stammered, trying to shake off the flustered feeling.

“Ah--wait right here, then. I’ll go get some hot drinks to warm us up,” the man said and Zhenya nodded in agreement.

Her breath formed frosty clouds in the air in front of her as she looked up to the trees, the lights entrancing her for just a second. Was there really a pink light hidden somewhere up there? Was there really true love and happiness and all that nonsense? Everyone else around her seemed to be feeling it. Why couldn’t she?

Just then someone stepped into place next to her, and for some reason a couple of butterflies flitted through her stomach. But it was just another memory, a feeling she used to get when she’d be standing in the side wings of a dark arena, watching the gala--her favorite time to watch performances. In those dark moments, Yuzu would always find her quietly and stand close to her like this, watching in silence by her side. They’d never needed words. Just existing together in that moment was enough, absorbing the music, never tiring of being mesmerized and hypnotized by the programs. In those moments, it was like their minds were synced together--so closely connected that they could hear each other's thoughts and feel each other’s emotions. Without ever saying it, they both knew they felt the same way about the ice. To everyone else, skating was about competing or having fun or entertaining the audience, but for her and Yuzu, skating was more than that. Skating was about feeling alive.

Zhenya swallowed. Why were those moments still so precious to her? Why did she never feel alive like that anymore? And...why was she wishing the person next to her right now was Yuzu, just like that again?

“What are you looking for, Zhenya?”

Her body froze in place. It _was_ Yuzu.

“Nothing,” she managed to respond, but she kept her eyes locked on the tree in front of her, suddenly aware that the clouds of her breath were forming more rapidly in front of her now.

“You’re looking for the pink light, aren’t you?”

This time, she scoffed out loud to cover her self-consciousness, turning towards him to refute him. But then suddenly he filled her vision, and she felt her heart skip a beat again. With only the soft glimmer of the Christmas lights for illumination, somehow he looked just like he always had on those dark nights. How was it possible that Yuzuru Hanyu hadn’t changed at all? Even in a heavy winter coat and scarf, she could still see the leanness of his athletic body that she knew too well, the pale glow of his smooth skin that she’d spent too long looking at. And his eyes--those eyes that had always drawn her in against her will--they were dancing now, teasing her about that stupid light.

“Of course I wasn’t looking for it,” she huffed, lifting her chin defensively. “Don’t you know? There’s 600,000 lights out here.” She paused, wondering how she’d remembered the number all of a sudden. But then she quickly shook her head. “It’d be impossible to find something so small.”

Yuzu grinned, and his smile made her want to die. How could he still do this to her after all this time?

He looked up at the trees briefly, and then back down at her. “It’s not impossible. It just takes hard work. Don’t you know? Hard work is what brings you happiness. And maybe a little bit of magic.”

Zhenya guffawed. “Well, I don’t believe in magic.”

He was grinning again. “Really? You used to say my skating was magical.”

Zhenya blushed, but maybe her cheeks were already red from the cold. She looked away. “Of course you would remember something silly like that.”

But then his voice turned suddenly serious, and her stomach felt like it had turned inside out. “I remember everything, Zhenya.”

_Everything?_

And then slowly, she turned her eyes up to his, her voice as small and as light as her breath suspended in the air.

“What are you doing here, Yuzu?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, the magical pink light is real. :) I didn't make it up.


	4. Matchmaking

**Yuzuru**

“What are you doing here, Yuzu?”

Her question came slowly and softly, and this time it wasn’t his imagination--something was flickering in Zhenya’s eyes, and it made his stomach feel like mush. Now was the moment. He had to say it. _Zhenya, I missed you. Zhenya, I...love you_. What? What was he thinking? He’d shock her again with something like that. _Zhenya, I like you?_ No, that sounded even more stupid. And anything like that would be too much--he should start small. But either way, he had to say something, this time. He stepped closer to her, taking a deep breath, gathering his courage, trying to formulate the right words.

But just then, before any words came out, someone stepped into view behind Zhenya.

“What's going on here?”

Yuzu tore his eyes off Zhenya’s, forcing them to focus on whoever had interrupted his moment--a man, about his age or maybe older, holding two steaming drinks in his hands, with narrow eyes darting between him and Zhenya. The lights instantly seemed to darken around him, and his skin felt cold with the realization of the situation. What _had_ he been thinking? Of course Zhenya hadn’t eaten dinner at an expensive restaurant like Ichimuan alone. Of course she hadn’t come to a romantic venue like Pageant of Starlight alone. _Zhenya is with someone....else._

“Is this man bothering you, Evgenia?"

At that question, another fact registered in Yuzu's head. Zhenya's boyfriend was Japanese. For some reason, he felt even more unnerved, even...jealous, although he knew he had absolutely no right to that feeling.

“I'm fine,” Zhenya was saying, taking the hot cup and sending a smile up at the man. "He's an old friend."

“An old friend?" The man looked more closely at Yuzu and then his eyes widened considerably. "Oh, wow. Yuzuru Hanyu. Imagine seeing you here. Well, I suppose it's not unusual. This is your hometown."

Yuzu shook his head, smiling despite the nauseous feeling in his stomach now. "I'm just here visiting for the holidays. Sorry to have interrupted your date.”

“Don’t worry about it,” the man said. “It was great to meet one of Evgenia’s friends.”

Yuzu bowed slightly. “Please enjoy your night.” Glancing briefly once more in Zhenya’s direction, he pasted another polite smile on his face before turning and merging into the crowds again. But the smile quickly melted off his face as his thoughts swirled. How could he have been so naive? Of course it would be like this. Zhenya was beautiful, charming, witty, fun. Of course she would have someone now. Yuzu’s eyes squeezed shut.

But then suddenly he felt a hand on his arm, its pressure turning him slightly in the direction it had come from.

“Yuzu, wait.”

When he opened his eyes, Zhenya was looking back up at him, her large eyes reflecting the warm glow of the lights around them. Why did she look like an angel in this light?

“Why did you say you were here again?”

There was something in her voice that sounded like she truly wanted to know, and for a second, Yuzu almost considered pulling her into his arms and never letting her go. But being impulsive was what had ruined things in the first place, causing her unhappiness in what should have been her happiest moment. He couldn’t do that to her again. He had no right to tell her his reason now. It was too late.

“I’m just here to skate,” he said quickly, looking off to the open rink at the end of the boulevard. “Thought you might want to come. Another time, maybe,” he said, and then his eyes caught a glimpse of the man waiting behind her. “Or maybe not.”

And with that, he turned around and didn’t look back. In a few minutes, he had procured a cheap pair of horribly fitting skates at the counter of the ice rink, amid gasps and muffled giggles from the pair of aunties running the rental counter. And then, he was on the ice.

Skating had always been his solace, the place he felt most at home, the thing that made him feel alive. On the ice, it always felt like nothing could touch him, his feet skimming over the smooth surface as though he were flying. But why did it feel like these skates were filled with rocks today? Why did he feel so...empty? Suddenly the cold air was making it was hard to breathe, despite the scarf wrapped over his mouth. He needed to jump--although jumping would call attention to him, and that was the last thing he wanted right now. But he needed something, anything, to feel less numb. Maybe just one jump. A little one.

He fell. It had never felt more appropriate. At least, flat on his back like this, no one else would guess who he was.

\----

“What do you mean, you can’t be with someone from Sendai?”

Yuzu took off his coat and hung it in the small closet by the door. "She knew everything about me already, _Okaa-san._ She's...grateful to me, for the disaster relief. She's like a fan. It would never be an equal partnership."

" _Soka_ ," Yumi nodded thoughtfully. "Well, that’s the point of these dates. To figure out what works and what doesn’t.”

_What if I already know what works?_

“We’ll ask for someone from Tokyo,” Yumi said, brightening at her own suggestion.

Yuzu was less optimistic. “What makes you think that will be any better?”

“Trust the system, Yuzu. These girls aren’t chosen at random. They’ve been carefully selected out of thousands to match personalities, interests, values, families--many other things. The right girl is out there, I know.”

_She is. She just doesn’t want me._

“Why does it have to be this way? Can’t I just find her on my own?”

“You’re 31, Yuzu- _kun_. If you could have found someone on your own, you would have. But you live in a foreign country most of the time. You’re busy with so many other activities. How else are you going to find a wife if not like this?”

Yuzu kept silent.

“If you don’t trust the system, trust your mother. I’ll pick the next girl,” Yumi said. “If she’s not the one, we can give up on this idea if you want. Just give it one more try.”

Yuzu looked away, resisting.

“For me?” Yumi smiled hopefully.

At that, Yuzu softened. She’d done so much for him. He could do this one thing for her. After all, Zhenya was happy with someone else now. Nothing was different than before he’d seen her again, right?

“Okay,” he finally consented. “One more try.”

\---

“So, we have another match,” Yumi announced from the living room the next morning. Yuzu came to the doorway, and immediately noticed she was biting her lip a little as she looked at the computer screen.

“Why do you look nervous?’ Yuzu asked, eyeing her warily. “Did you pick me an old maid or something? Can I see her?”

Yumi closed the laptop, chuckling a little. “No, it’s a blind date. Don’t worry. I think you’ll actually like her.”

Yuzu humphed skeptically.

“Don’t you think I know my son? Don’t I always know what’s best?” Yumi said. “Anyway, the date is fairly early in the morning, at a coffee shop in Tokyo. You’ll have to take the _shinkansen_ tonight. Is there anyone you can stay with in Tokyo?”

“I heard Shoma’s visiting relatives there for the holidays,” Yuzu thought aloud. “I could call him. It’d be nice to catch up anyway.”

“Good, then it’s settled. I’ll text you the exact details in the morning.”

Yuzu nodded and turned back to his room, and then he paused. “Wait--how will I know who she is? See, you _are_ going to have to let me see her first.”

Yumi grinned. “Nice try, but no. There will be a way for you to identify each other. You’ll wear a red carnation, and she’ll have one in a book.”

“Ma, you’ve been watching too many dramas. Are you serious?”

This time, his mother laughed, waving him away. “It’s romantic. Just trust me.”

 

\---

 

**Zhenya**

“You’re home? Why are you home?”

Zhenya stopped in her tracks, ending her attempt to sneak into the apartment quietly, looking up at the sound of her roommate’s voice. Wakaba Higuchi stood with hands on her hips, a disgruntled expression on her normally agreeable face.

“It’s 2 a.m. You’re supposed to be in Sendai right now, in some hotel, with Kentaro!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Wakaba,” Zhenya dismissed her, reaching down to unzip her heeled booties, simultaneously avoiding eye contact with her friend. “We’ve only been seeing each other a couple of months.”

“Exactly,” the other girl sighed. “My plans have utterly failed. Did you guys even make out?”

Zhenya stood up, but still looked away uncomfortably. “You know Kentaro is… conservative.”

“Kentaro is boring,” Wakaba returned flatly. “You’re boring! You’re boring _together_. Ugh, this is abysmal.”

Zhenya flung her handbag on the entryway bench and finally met the girl’s eyes. “So? What if I like boring?”

“You never liked boring before, Zhenya. I don’t know what’s happened to you, but this isn’t what you deserve. You deserve someone exciting, someone who’ll sweep you off your feet, and fight against the odds with you, and take you to amazing places, and love you to the ends of the earth,” Wakaba declared, clasping her hands together and swooning a little.

“You’re sweet, Wakaba,” Zhenya smiled. “But I’m not interested in fairytales and romance. I just want a nice relationship with no drama. Someone I can trust to take care of me. Kentaro is kind, and nice, and dependable.”

“Dependable--to be boring! Are you even, you know, _attracted_ to him?” Wakaba’s eyebrows were raised suspiciously.

“He’s not bad looking.”

“Not bad looking! Zhen, do you hear yourself? Are you really okay with…’not-bad-looking’?”

“You were the one to tell me about the agency. About the success rates. We’re a good match.”

“I only told you about the agency because you hadn’t even been on a date in over a year! I didn’t meant for you to just settle for the first man you went out with. Those books--they’re just supposed to be a launching point to find someone you’re attracted to. And since you’re here right now, with me, after an amazing dinner and a walk under the lights in one of the most romantic places in Japan at Christmas, I think it’s safe to say you’re not exactly attracted to Kentaro Yoshida.”

“Well, I am,” Zhenya said defensively and then she gulped a little, suddenly flashing back to the way Yuzu had looked at her tonight, making her thoughts move hazily and her heart beat strangely. _That_ was attraction, wasn’t it?

“You’re lying. I can tell.”

“I’m serious about Kentaro,” Zhenya declared, and then she straightened up a little. “In fact--I haven’t told you this, but... we’re going to the Governor’s Ball together, night after tomorrow. Everyone will be there. I think he might propose. And I’ve already decided I’ll say yes if he asks.”

“What?” Wakaba bellowed. And then she quieted herself. “Well, your life is your life, I guess.” One instant later, the volume was right back. “But seriously! C’mon, Zhen. Won’t you just try seeing at least _one_ other guy before you make this big of a mistake?”

Zhenya glared at her.

“I mean decision,” Wakaba backpedaled. “Before you make this big of a decision.”

Zhenya sighed, frowning. “Either way, that’s the silliest idea I’ve ever heard. Imagine if Kentaro found out.”

“He doesn’t have to find out. Let’s just say it’s an experiment--to make sure he’s really the one you want. Listen, if you really, absolutely have zero attraction to this next guy, then I won’t bug you anymore about Kentaro. I’ll stand in your wedding and never say another word.”

“You’re crazy.”

“At least you’ll know. What could it hurt?”

_What could it hurt?_

“I don’t know, Wakaba,” Zhenya hesitated, but she could feel her resolve dwindling. Maybe she _should_ feel more attraction for someone than she did for Kentaro. Shouldn’t it be something close to what Yuzu did to her, at least?

“C’mon, just do it. For me?” the Japanese girl pleaded. “Haven’t I always been by your side? Don’t I always know what’s best? Pleeeeeeeease?”

“Okay, fine. Just one date, if it’ll get you off my back. You arrange it,” Zhenya said, pointing her finger at the beaming young woman.

“Of course I’ll arrange it. I’ll go download the new pages right now. And you better believe I’ll find you the very hottest guy in this blasted book.”

“Whatever, Wakaba,” Zhenya rolled her eyes, heading to her bedroom.

Five minutes later, there was a barely suppressed shriek from the living room.

“Everything’s fine,” she heard Wakaba calling out to her. “Don’t worry about me. I’m breathing. Everything’s fine.”

“Our neighbors are going to hate us,” Zhenya hissed through the wall.

“Oh, right.”

Zhenya came to the doorway and looked out at Wakaba, whose face carried a grin so big she wondered if it might split her face in two.

“So should I assume you’ve found me a date?”

Wakaba looked up and arched her eyebrow coyly. “Oh, I found you a date all right.”


	5. A Red Carnation

**Yuzuru**

“It’s freezing out here,” Shoma Uno grumbled loudly as the two Japanese men made their way across the plaza to the predetermined coffee shop. “I could be tucked into a nice warm bed right now, but tell me how I somehow ended up out here with you at this unearthly hour?”

“Because you’re still my kouhai and you always do what I ask you,” Yuzu grinned, ruffling the mop of hair on Shoma’s head. “Besides, you missed me.”

“I didn’t miss you treating me like a kid,” Shoma snorted, attempting to fix the mess Yuzu had made of his hairstyle. “I’m 28 now,” he reminded him. “I own my own house, have a nice girlfriend and a dog. And my business is taking off.”

“A video game business,” Yuzu teased him.

“An eSports business, technically, and it’s extremely lucrative,” Shoma countered, raising his eyebrows rather proudly.

“Oh, so that explains why you’re wearing both a Rolex _and_ an Apple watch.”

Shoma glared at him. “If you hadn’t made me get dressed half asleep, I would have realized I was already wearing the Rolex on my own, thank you very much.”

Yuzu laughed. “I’m just messing with you. I’m proud of you, Shoma,” he said seriously. “I really am. And I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, senpai.”

“Good. Now go peek in the window and tell me what she looks like.”

“And how do you suggest I do that?” Shoma waved dramatically at the windows, which were frosted at least halfway up.

“Can you really not see in that high?”

“Shut up.”

“Just stand on your tiptoes or something.”

Sighing audibly, Shoma took large strides over to the front of the windows and glowered as he demonstrated standing on his tiptoes for Yuzu, his head still well below the viewable area.

Yuzu laughed again and came over to join him, ducking down to avoid looking in himself. “Okay, I’ll lift you up then.”

“This is so dumb. Your mom is seriously never gonna know if you just looked yourself,” Shoma said, stepping up on Yuzu’s interlocked hands to boost him.

“I promised I wouldn’t look first,” Yuzu said. “Oof, did you gain weight?”

“No, you just got weak,” Shoma shot back.

Yuzu smirked. “Maybe you’re right,” he said, and promptly pretended to lose his balance.

Shoma half-swatted him, half-grabbed his shoulder to steady himself. “Do you want me to tell you what this girl looks like or not?” he asked, for the moment still craning his neck to see in the window.

“Fine, fine, I’ll stop harassing you,” Yuzu relented quickly. “So do you see her?”

“ _Ano-oooo_ ,” Shoma drew the word out. “Oh yeah, right there. A book with a red carnation. _An-na Kar-en-ina,_ ” he read the title out loud, and Yuzu’s stomach turned. Of all the books for a girl to bring.

“Well, what does she look like? Is she pretty at least?”

“I can’t see her face just yet. A column is blocking her. There’s a cup of coffee on the table… oh, she’s eating a piece of cake. Yuzu--”

“What?” Yuzu asked worriedly.

“She’s dunking.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Oh, she’s leaning forward now,” Shoma said excitedly. “Oh, yeah… I can see her…. _Kuso_!” All of a sudden, he actually did lose his balance, nearly toppling down to the ground.

Yuzu brushed his hands together as he straightened up, eyeing the flustered young man. “Is it that bad?”

“It’s not bad. It’s not bad at all,” Shoma said quickly.

“So she’s pretty?”

“Oh… she’s pretty,” Shoma replied hesitantly. “But… um… well, she’s...not Japanese.”

Yuzu made a surprised face. “My mother picked someone who’s not Japanese? That’s interesting. So what is she? Some other kind of Asian? White?”

“Yeah, white…uh… European, actually,” Shoma scratched his head. “You know, she kind of actually… looks like… Evgenia Medvedeva, actually.”

Yuzu’s throat tightened.“What? Why would you bring her up?”

“You’ve gotta admit Zhenya’s pretty cute.”

“This isn’t the time to be debating whether or not Zhenya is cute, Shoma,” Yuzu scowled. Wasn’t he supposed to be trying to get his mind _off_ Zhenya?

“Well, if you don’t think Zhenya’s cute, you won’t think this girl is cute,” Shoma folded his arms, lifting his chin up.

“Why not?”

“Because it _is_ Zhenya.”

Yuzu stared at him, waiting for the laugh, the punchline, the “see, I can fool you, too”--anything. There was nothing. He couldn’t actually be serious, could he? His eyes narrowed.

“That’s impossible. She’s dating someone else.”

“Well, I guess it’s not too serious.”

Yuzu’s core temperature was rising against his will. “Even if it wasn’t, _Okaa-san_ would never set me up with Zhenya.” Would she? _I think you'll actually like her,_ he suddenly remembered. Yuzu shook his head in disbelief.

“Look, you can give me all the excuses in the world, or you can look in there right now and tell me if that is or is not Evgenia Medvedeva,” Shoma challenged.

Without another thought, Yuzu spun hotly around and stood on his toes to look in the window. When he turned back around, he fell back against the window, his eyes wide and his face pale.

“ _Kuso_.”

“See? I told you,” Shoma said, pursing his lips triumphantly.

Yuzu’s fingers ran distractedly through his hair as he talked out loud, his words shortened by the fact that his breathing had somehow turned rather erratic. “Wait, so if she’s here, that means… she’s not really...with that other guy. And that means... I…” _I still have a chance._ His head turned over his shoulder, back to the window, but he stopped himself before he completely caved again. He closed his eyes, trying to slow down his heart rate.

Shoma looked confused. “What are you muttering about?” he tapped his foot impatiently. “I’m cold. Are you going in or aren’t you?”

Yuzu straightened up, taking in a deep breath. “I can’t.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because I don’t want it to happen like this.”

“What? You don’t want what to happen like how?” Suddenly Shoma looked closer at Yuzu’s face, and then his eyes got wider. “Wait a minute. You--you don’t…”

“Yeah. I like her,” Yuzu said quickly, but the words coming out of his mouth shocked him more than they shocked Shoma. It suddenly felt hard to breathe again.

Shoma burst out into laughter. “Since when?”

Furious, Yuzu crossed his arms, attempting to regain his composure. “I don’t know. Forever.”

“So you mean all those rumors were actually true?”

“Of course not. Nothing ever happened between us. Well--” Yuzu stopped himself suddenly, swallowing.

Shoma’s jaw dropped. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Yuzu replied defensively, but the recollection of Zhenya’s pretty lips touching his had already set his cheeks on fire again.

Shoma looked bewildered and delighted all at the same time. “I didn’t know you had it in you, senpai.”

“That’s not the point. The point is, it shouldn’t be this way. If she’s here, that means someone else set her up with me. But it can’t be forced this time.” _I already tried that._ “I want her to choose me on her own.”

“You’re weird, senpai.”

Yuzu glared at him.

“Just kidding. But how can you just leave a girl waiting in there like that? And how are you going to actually get her to choose you?”

Yuzu glanced back at the window, thinking. And then he looked down at the red carnation pinned to the lapel of his coat. Suddenly he yanked the flower off, stuffing it quickly into the inside pocket. “I have an idea.”

 

\---

 

**Zhenya**

Zhenya tapped the screen of her phone for the fifth time in two minutes, checking the time, drumming the rest of her fingers impatiently on the table. _Well, Wakaba. Turns out your perfect man isn’t so perfect after all. He’s late._ She took another bite of cake. At least the food was good at this place. The bell on the front door jingled above the pleasant din of the coffee shop, and Zhenya’s eyes darted up. But it was an older couple.

A few minutes later, she pulled the carnation slightly more out of the book, then pushed the book farther out in front of her. Maybe he’d already arrived and couldn’t see it? Just then, another thought crept into her mind. What if he’d already arrived and _had_ seen it? And decided she wasn’t worth his time? Zhenya self-consciously pulled the scarf she was wearing off her neck, adjusting her cream-colored sweater. Maybe a little off the shoulder would be prettier. Ugh, why did she feel so nervous about this? This was just to appease Wakaba. Tonight, she’d go back to Kentaro and everything would be fine.

There was the jingle again, and Zhenya couldn’t help but look to see who it was. A young woman about her age. She leaned back, letting out a breath. Where was this guy? What a waste of time this was turning into be.

She almost didn’t even look up again at the third jingle. But her eyes were drawn that direction nonetheless. And then she blinked in disbelief. And then she panicked, turning away as quickly as possible. Surely there had to be somewhere to hide, a way to avoid being seen. She slowly slid out of her chair, gathering up her wraps, her phone, her bag, keeping her head down, her face pointed the other way. She was almost out of her seat when she realized she was forgetting something important. _The book. The carnation._ She turned to retrieve it, and then her eyes landed on a pair of narrow legs in front of her.

“Zhenya? What are you doing here?”

She quickly settled herself as if nothing was wrong at all, calmly looking up into the face of Yuzuru Hanyu. And then she squinted at him.

“Are you following me?”

Yuzu chuckled. “You think I came all the way to Tokyo to follow you?”

Zhenya looked away and then back at him. “How else do you explain us constantly running into each other?”

“Magic,” Yuzu grinned, and then, to Zhenya’s horror he sat down at her table.

“Oh no, you can’t sit--” Zhenya stopped herself, and then she glanced frantically at the door, hearing the bell again. It was a man--a handsome man--but there was no flower on his lapel.

“What’s this?” Yuzu was saying, and then her eyes were suddenly back on her unwelcome table guest, who by some disaster had now picked up the book and was touching the red carnation curiously.

Zhenya flushed and snatched the book back, putting it back in its place near the edge of the table.

“It’s nothing,” she tried to dismiss him. “Now if you don’t mind, I’m waiting for someone, so---”

“You’re waiting for someone?” Yuzu’s eyebrow lifted and then his lips curled in amusement. “Waiting for someone...with a red carnation?”

Zhenya dropped her eyes. And then she looked up at him, preparing for the inevitable torture of him making fun of her. But to her surprise, his face was serious.

“Do you think this kind of thing actually works?” he asked quietly.

“What kind of thing?” she asked, knowing full well what he meant.

“Blind dates… arranged meetings,” he said, and she noticed that he swallowed strangely.

“It’s been proven to be very successful in matching compatible people, actually,” Zhenya informed him defensively. “Not everyone can be as lucky as you to have your pick of anyone in Japan. Some people have to find happiness other ways.”

“And you think happiness is found… in a book?”

Yuzu’s eyes were suddenly penetrating into hers and for some reason, she couldn’t look away from them.

“Maybe. It’s not like I’ve found it anywhere else,” she said softly, still locked onto his warm brown eyes. And then, without warning, all those repressed feelings came flooding back through her once again. _Maybe I did once...with you._

She suddenly looked down, afraid that somehow he could read her thoughts looking at her like that. Finally, now that their eyes weren’t connected, she was able to push the feelings back down, as far as she could. What came back up was banter, of course, and just a touch of cynicism.

“So tell, me, are you the expert on relationships and happiness now? Do you find happiness in dating fangirls?”

Yuzu scoffed. “Fangirls?”

“She called you Hanyu- _senshu_ ,” Zhenya rolled her eyes.

“That’s because we’re not dating.”

His voice was serious again, immediately sucking Zhenya back into his gaze, sending her stomach straight to the floor.

“Oh,” she said, in English. It was all she could manage with her heart rate increasing like this. _He’s not dating her. He’s not dating… anyone._ And then she felt the feelings rising again, too. But before they surfaced she shoved them back into their proper place. _What are you thinking, Zhenya? Haven’t you learned your lesson? Be smart, not emotional._

She hastily stood up, grabbing the book. “Well, unfortunately, I _do_ have a date, and he’s going to misunderstand if we’re sitting here together.”

She started to move towards the table behind them, but just then Yuzu stood up, too, and she almost ran into him as he blocked her way. Unable to resist the inclination, she found her eyes traveling up his body, along his neck, and then finally up to his eyes, and suddenly she remembered how much she liked their height difference. And then he took the book right out of her hands, setting it down on the table.

“So let him misunderstand,” he said, and suddenly she remembered how much she liked the sound of his voice.

And then she realized what he’d said. She blinked, staring at him, and then she closed her mouth once she noticed it was hanging open a little. The way Yuzu was looking at her, the way he was talking to her, it was almost like he… no, he couldn’t.

She cleared her throat and looked to the side, anywhere but at him. “Well, I don’t like misunderstandings.”

“Neither do I.”

Her eyes shot back to his, and suddenly it was like time was slowing down, her senses heightening, making her aware of every tiny thing in this moment… the warmth of his body as he stood mere inches away, the rise and fall of his chest inside his dark gray coat, the sound of her pulse reverberating in her temples--and the feeling that even though her feet were firmly planted on the ground, he was somehow getting nearer with each heartbeat. Her eyes paused for a second on the gap in his eyebrow. She’d always wondered if he was born with it or if something had happened to make it that way. As well as they’d known each other, there’d always been things she’d wanted to ask him. There were always so many questions, so many things left unsaid. And there was so much she wanted to know now--how he was doing, what had occupied his life in the years since they’d been apart, what his new dreams and ambitions were. There was so many things.

“Yuzu,” she finally whispered.

“Yeah?”

His voice was soft and close, so close it nearly made her lose her mind. She closed her eyes briefly to steady herself. When she opened her eyes, her voice was stronger.

“We should catch up...another time.”

He stepped back. “Another time, then.”

It was easier to breathe now, but it was weird how she’d almost liked not being able to breathe. He was turning around now, leaving, and she refused to let herself look at the sight of his retreating back. Last time she’d done that, she’d gone after him without thinking. She couldn’t do that this time.

She sat back down. The bell rang again, but this time it was the sound of Yuzu walking out.

Her elbows on the table, Zhenya covered her face briefly with her hands, and then tapped her cheeks a little, an attempt to slap herself back into reality. But what was reality? Kentaro and his imminent proposal tonight, long-lost Yuzu and his confusing magnetism right now--and some mystery date who still hadn’t shown up? This was too much to handle. All she wanted was simplicity and peace… and this was the furthest thing from it.

She fumbled around for her phone, and then tapped the screen again.

“I don’t think this guy is coming,” her fingers typed a message to Wakaba.

Her phone buzzed a few seconds later. “He’s a pretty busy person. He could have just gotten held up somewhere. Give him some time.”

Zhenya sighed and leaned back into her chair, the seconds even longer and heavier since Yuzu had left. Fifteen more minutes passed, and then she neatly gathered up her things, placing the book and her phone inside her bag and wrapping the scarf back around her neck before shrugging on her coat. Paying for her coffee and cake, she thanked the waitress before making her way towards the exit. And then she took a deep breath and pushed the door open, bracing herself to meet the cold.

But instead of a chill, something warm rushed through her. There, to the right of the door, was Yuzu, one of his long legs propping him up against the brick wall of the coffee shop. He’d waited for her? Why would he do something like that? It must be below zero out here.

He straightened up and came to stand in front of her again, a little smile playing on his lips.

“How’s this for another time?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone else is into classic Hollywood, you might recognize a couple elements that were borrowed from one of my favorite Christmas films, The Shop Around the Corner. In addition to the traditional red carnation, the book used in that blind date is actually Anna Karenina, which I found too perfect not to include. :) (Other than those little points of homage, the plot of that film is nothing like my story, so don't go looking for spoilers, haha). As always, thank you for reading and commenting! <3 See you soon!


	6. Let's Go Out

**Zhenya**

“What are you doing here, Yuzu?” she asked, trying but unable to completely disguise the smile in her voice. Why was she so happy he’d stayed?

“Waiting for you to give up on the idea of a blind date.”

Something about the way he was looking at her flustered her.

“You’re crazy,” was the only thing she could think of to say, looking away.

“You’re just now realizing that?” he quipped.

She looked back. “Your comebacks are better in Japanese.”

“Your compliments are better in Japanese,” he grinned.

Suddenly his arm slipped around her and he pulled her closer, so close she caught the scent of his cologne, and her heart skipped a beat as she felt his body brush slightly against hers. What was he doing? But then he let her go as quickly as he’d reached for her--and then her senses came back to her as the noise from a distracted group of students passing through the door filled her ears. Oh. He’d just been moving her out of the way. _Stop thinking like this_ , she chided herself.

She straightened her coat as if nothing had happened. “That was only one compliment.”

“What can I do to get more?”

She gave him an eye and started walking away from him.

“Do you really need more compliments?” she said over her shoulder, and she bit her lip a little when she saw he was following her. Now he was circling around her, walking backwards in front of her.

“From you, maybe,” he said, shaking the hair out of his eyes.

She stopped, staring at him. _Why from me?_ “What’s come over you all of a sudden?” she blurted out.

He took a step towards her, and his nearness overwhelmed her a bit. “How do you know what’s all of a sudden? We haven’t hung out in two and a half years. Nothing’s all of a sudden. Everything is slow now.”

She suddenly realized he’d somehow grabbed the end of her scarf and was pulling it, inch by inch, towards him, and the feeling of the fabric sliding softly over her skin was doing more to her than when he’d touched her. She knew he was just trying to bother her, but Yuzu’s way of bothering felt an awful lot like flirting, and it was new and confusing and addicting and she couldn’t think of anything to say. “Everything is...slow now?” she heard herself repeating his words. What did that even mean?

He nodded, still pulling on the scarf, looking at her in a way that made her legs feel strange. And then he smirked, his eyes twinkling in amusement. “Maybe it’s a little all of a sudden.”

And then he gave the scarf a yank, laughing as it came completely off, leaving her neck cold--except for some reason her neck felt hot.

She grabbed at the scarf, but he moved fast, keeping it out of her reach.

“Let’s go out,” he said quickly.

She dropped her hand, feeling her stomach flip-flop. “We’re already out.”

“You know what I mean. Like we used to.”

 _Like we used to._ She looked up at him. He raised his eyebrows hopefully. The idea of an adventure with Yuzu right now, like old times, was irresistible. But she had to at least try to resist, right?

“Oh, I--I can’t--I should…” she faltered.

“Hmm, what?” he leaned in closer, squinting his eyes teasingly. “What are your excuses? I can’t hear them.”

And then suddenly he was reaching up and wrapping the scarf back around her neck, and despite her best efforts, she felt herself blushing at the feeling. Who was this Yuzu? He’d never done things like this before.

“Come with me, Zhenya,” he said, and even though her gaze had fallen to the ground, she could still feel his eyes looking down at her. She stepped back, taking a deep breath, and when she looked up, she finally let the smile she’d been holding back spread across her face.

“Where?”

\---

**Yuzuru**

_“Let’s go out.”_

_Yuzu leaned against the side of the doorway of the hotel room, grinning at the petite girl in front of him. She looked soft and cute this way, dressed in an oversized dark hoodie with her hair down, but he couldn’t let his feelings get in the way of the fact that she needed to be back in her own room right now._

_“Your free skate is tomorrow. You need to rest.”_

_She folded her arms, humphing. Did she know she looked even cuter like this?_

_“I can’t sleep. I’m just lying on my bed in my room alone, thinking, running through everything for the millionth time. Brian says when that happens, I need to find something to take my mind off it.”_

_“Just listen to some music or something.”_

_“I tried that already. It didn’t work,” Zhenya shook her head._

_“Probably because your music sucks. Mine’s better. I’ll send you a playlist, how about that?” Yuzu said, reaching into his pocket._

_“I don’t need more music. I want to do something. Let’s go out.” Her eyes were twinkling, coaxing him to relent._

_“It’s late,” he tried to reason with her. “If we get caught, we’ll get in trouble.”_

_“We’ve never been caught before.” Why did her voice sound so appealing right now?_

_“We’ve never gone out the night before your skate,” he reminded her._

_“That’s exactly why no one will even be looking for us. And besides, so what if we get in trouble? They’re not going to stop me from skating tomorrow. My country wants me to medal just as much as I do. I would have the upper hand.” She raised her eyebrows defiantly as she made her point. She was adorable when she was being this stubborn. And she was irresistible when she was being this fearless._

_“You’re crazy, Zhenya.”_

_She reached out and poked him in the ribs. “And you’re not crazy enough.”_

_He grinned and poked her back. “I can be crazy.”_

_“Prove it. Right now.” She grabbed his hand, and he felt his heart jump a little. “Come with me.”_

_“Where?”_

It was on nights like that that he’d fall more in love with everything about Zhenya, running through cities they didn’t know, begging for the last bites of food from street vendors closing for the night, watching painters and buskers in the squares, making fun of each other as they tried to learn a local dance. It was on nights like that that he’d realize she was everything he never knew he needed--adventure and laughter and happiness. Those nights--those days--they weren’t so long ago, were they? He’d shoved those memories far away, but now, standing in front of her like that again, they were so vibrant and vivid that he could almost see her teasing smile and hear her carefree laugh. He’d do anything to draw that out of her again. He’d do anything to have that Zhenya--his Zhenya--back.

“Come with me, Zhenya,” he heard himself say. He wondered how she’d managed to make the same words sound so enticing when it was her lips speaking them. She’d always been the one to convince him before--and his inexperience at being the one to ask first was making him feel a little shy, even though he couldn’t stop looking at her, hoping she’d say yes. But her eyes kept evading his, and for a moment, he was furious with himself, at the fact that he, Yuzuru Hanyu, who everyone said was so good at everything, was so bad at the simplest of tasks--at asking a girl out on his own. But then she looked up and him and smiled and he suddenly felt the way he used to at the end of a program he knew would land him in first place.

She tilted her chin questioningly. “Where?”

Yuzu grinned back at her. It was a small victory, but it was enough for now. He started walking backwards again, dangling his idea of where they were heading out in front of her like a carrot in front of a pony,  

“Someplace fun. But it can’t just be anywhere. Not in the day like this. It has to be someplace where we won’t be seen.”

She was following, smiling. “Why’s that?”

“You know why. In case I’m recognized.”

She tossed her long hair over her shoulder. “You’re not the only one who might get recognized.”

He stopped and looked at her curiously. The public had a way of forgetting people quickly--even his life had calmed down considerably after he stopped making headlines every season. Had Medo-chan somehow retained her level of popularity here even after retiring?

“You really don’t know what I’ve been up to, do you?” she asked, seeing the expression on his face.

He swallowed. There it was again. How could he tell her that the reason he avoided looking her up was because every time he saw her he remembered how much he wanted her?

“You know I don’t get online much,” he said, using his old excuse to make people think he didn’t know what was going on.

“And I guess you wouldn’t read things like this, either,” she said, and before he knew what was happening, she’d grabbed ahold of his arm, leading him to a nearby newsstand. She pulled out the latest issue of Vogue Japan and handed it to him. “Page 62,” she said. “And 63. It’s a spread.”

Yuzu flipped through the magazine, glancing up to eye her curiously when he saw the models. “This isn’t you...”

“Yes, it is,” she said proudly. “I designed them.”

He stared at her, and then back down at the magazine’s glossy pages. It was a two-page layout of gowns--high fashion, couture gowns--and they were stunning. Zhenya had designed these?

“This is what I do now,” she explained.

He shook his head incredulously as he examined the spread more closely. There was her name, and in the text he caught the words _Tokyo’s hottest new designer_. “These are amazing.” He looked back up at her. _You’re amazing._ “You always liked to draw costumes, didn’t you?” He suddenly had a flashback of her scribbling in a notebook at TCC, taking pictures of what she’d sketched to send to her dressmaker.

She nodded. “Apparently I’m kind of good at it, too. Celebrities are hiring me for events now.” And then she shook her head. “But I was kidding. I’m not famous or anything.”

Just then a group of middle school girls walked by, and a couple of them covered their mouths in surprise as they looked their way. “I think you’re being modest, Miss Vogue Japan.”

“How do you know they’re not looking at you?” she retorted with a grin.

“They’re too young,” he laughed. “I’m probably an old man to girls like that now.”

“You’re right, it was always the aunties that liked you anyway,” she said, and Yuzu gave her a scowl.

“Not  _just_ aunties.” And then, without thinking, he reached out and poked her ribs.

She suddenly looked up at him, and he immediately wondered if that had been too much. He was supposed to be going slowly, not shocking her or coming on too strong. But that’d been something they’d done as friends… right?

And then, to his relief, she laughed. And then, to his surprise, she poked him back. “Oh yeah. Grandmas, too. Old man.”

He huffed and grabbed her arm. “I’ll show you who’s an old man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update. I re-injured my back last week and I have been having so much nerve pain, going back and forth to doctor's appointments, not sleeping well, etc. so it's been difficult to concentrate on writing. I apologize if this chapter is lacking! I actually meant to have more written before ending this chapter, but it's taking me so long I didn't want to keep everyone waiting, so I will just save the rest of this scene for the next update.
> 
> I hope you all will be cheering on Yuzu and Zhenya at ACI very, very soon! Can't wait to see everything come together. <3


	7. Tokyo Rush Hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies again for such a long time between posts... I am still struggling with my back injury and apparently the only solution is to be patient and let it heal, and of course I am not very good at that haha. And creativity happens to come much slower for me when I'm in pain lol. Nevertheless I hope you enjoy the chapter and I hope my next update will be sooner! Much love to all and thank you to everyone for the encouragement on my last post!

Yuzu adjusted his scarf over his mouth as they made their way across the plaza, glancing over his shoulder at the young woman following behind him. Walking with graceful, precise steps, Zhenya looked more elegant and feminine than ever, her cheekbones tinged pink from the cold morning air, highlighting her natural beauty. She didn’t have to wear that rose-colored lipstick or dress in expensive cashmere to look amazing. A bit of golden light was all she needed, and it was right here, right now, peeking between the buildings surrounding the plaza, backlighting her long brown hair, calling attention to the wispy tendrils that were breaking free from the rest of her smoothed style. Yuzu smiled softly. Had Zhenya attempted to tame her heart in the same way she’d tried to control her rebellious curls? The real Zhenya was somewhere in there, he knew. He slowed his pace a little. It was cold out here, but there was no need to rush. They had all day.

“You used to be the one dragging me,” he remarked.

“Trainers are a little easier to run around in than these,” Zhenya pointed at her shoes.

Yuzu’s eyes glanced down to her fashionable heels. “Ah, I guess so,” he said. “Mm, well… where we’re going might be a bit far, then. I’ll get a taxi.”

“A taxi? That won’t work,” Zhenya shook her head.

Yuzu stopped. “Why not?”

“You can’t keep this on in a warm taxi, for one,” she said, and the next thing he knew, she’d reached up to his neck and pulled his scarf down, revealing his entire face. He stared at her. Why did that feel so…

“Can’t you see it now? 'Driver’s Instagram of Long-lost Yuzuru Hanyu Goes Viral in Seconds,’” she waved her gloved hand across the sky as if reading a marquee. “What did I always used to say? If you really want to stay hidden--”

“Go to the most crowded places,” he finished her sentence, remembering her old line. “But where’s the most crowded place?”

“That’s easy,” she said, and suddenly Yuzu saw something sparkle in her eyes. She reached forward and grabbed his arm this time, and Yuzu felt an old familiar thrill as she started to lead him away. She was coming back to him, slowly but surely, wasn’t she? Grinning, he pretended to resist her.

“Hey, are you trying to take over my date?”

She dropped his arm as quickly as she stopped her stride, and Yuzu felt his face growing warm as he realized what he’d just said. It was supposed to be banter, but--that word he’d used… it was obvious it had caught her off guard. _Crap._

“Date?” she repeated, her face suddenly serious. “Is this a date?”

“Of course this is a date,” Yuzu said, trying to think fast. “What kind of guy would I be if I watched a girl get stood up by some jerk and then not take her out on a date to make up for it?”

“So you’re taking me somewhere because you feel sorry for me?”

 _More crap._ “I didn’t mean it that way,” Yuzu said, stepping closer to her, feeling his heart rate increase with each movement forward. If this was going to work, he needed to be honest. He spoke again, but his own nervousness at saying the words made his voice quiet.  “I wanted to do this as soon as I saw you this morning.”

She blinked. “You...did?”

“Mmm,” he nodded. “Actually… as soon as I saw you in Sendai. I...” _Ah…_ Why was it so much easier to say to Shoma? He swallowed. _Just say it, Yuzu_. “I missed you, Zhenya.”

Her lips parted, her cheeks suddenly turning a little deeper color. Did that mean she liked that? There was a long pause, and then she gave him a little smile, looking away. “Of course you did. Come on. You can have your date back when we get there--wherever there is.”

Before he knew it, she was pulling him towards a set of stairs going down from the sidewalk.

“The subway? This time of day? You’re crazy,” Yuzu protested, dragging his feet.

She looked back at him. “Not crazy. Just smart.”

The moment they went underground, Yuzu’s stomach pinched. Zhenya left him to figure out the fares, and without her near, he felt nervousness creeping over him again. It wasn’t as crowded as he thought it would be down here, but the amount of people milling around was far more than he’d been used to lately. He pulled his scarf up instinctively, but no sooner had he done that than Zhenya was back in front of him, pulling it back down again.

“You’ve been in the cave too long,” Zhenya shook her head, smiling, and he half-frowned at her. “Look around. No one is looking at you.”

He glanced around again as they made their way onto the platform. She was right. Everyone was standing around on their phones, the norm for a daily commute on public transportation. No one really wanted to interact this early in the morning. The tension in his shoulders eased a bit. It had always been this way. For most of his life, he had been a homebody who had never really enjoyed venturing out, but Zhenya had worked on him over time to get him to a place where he was comfortable being in public without worrying. Out of the habit the last few years, maybe some of those fears had come back. But with Zhenya by his side, he could do this again. He could always do anything with her.

Just then he felt a gust of wind, and the train came zooming into the station. 

“Ready?” Zhenya asked.

Yuzu stared wide eyed at the packed train. “Totally not ready.”

“Come on,” she laughed, and as the doors opened, the group of people around them suddenly condensed and united, surging forward.

“There’s no way we can fit,” Yuzu sputtered as they got caught up in the crowd. The train was already full to the brim with other passengers--how could they even get on?

“I hope you don’t like your shoes too much,” Zhenya smirked.

Bodies smashed into him as they got nearer the door, and Yuzu looked over his shoulder to see uniformed attendants surrounding them, starting to shove them together from behind. He’d heard about this--Tokyo’s crazy rush hour stampede--but he’d never seen it, never experienced it, in real life. It was like they were in a wave made up of people, and it felt like they were moving forward without even taking any steps. Before he knew it, they were on the train.

“I can’t believe we got inside,” he said, and then he looked down when there was no response. A cold feeling passed over him, even though it was warm--too warm--inside this train. Somehow he'd gotten separated from Zhenya in the frenzy. She was gone. He’d lost her. His throat immediately tightened as he started to look around frantically.

“Zhenya,” he called out without thinking. He stood on his toes, straining to look out the door. Was she still on the platform? Had she not made it inside? Ugh, why wasn’t he taller? He couldn’t see. Just then, there was a voiceover announcement and the doors began to shut. “Zhenya!” he called again, a little more panicked.

Just then he heard a soft laugh somewhere, and to his relief, he saw the top of her dark head slowly navigating through the crammed mass of people toward him. She ended up with her back to him, but even without seeing her face, he felt himself growing more relaxed. And then the train moved forward, heaving the collective crowd together, and her back pressed into his chest, and suddenly he felt anything but relaxed. He stared down at her. Why did her small form feel so perfect pushed into him like this? It was like they fit together--and suddenly he realized he was wondering what it would feel like if his arms were around her. He closed his eyes for a second, fighting the feeling, but then he inhaled the scent of her hair, and for some reason that made his heart go wild. Thank goodness she couldn’t see his face right now while he drowned in her nearness, letting himself get overwhelmed by her presence. Instead of his normal urge to be away from the crowds as quickly as he could, he found himself appreciating each shift and sway that moved them together. _If it’s possible, can this train go a little slower?_ he mused. But the next thing he knew they were stopping again, and the chaos resumed as commuters jostled around them to make their way off the train. More would be coming in soon, he knew.

“Hey,” he thought he heard her say. She was talking to him, wasn’t she? She just couldn’t say his name out loud, right? He tried to clear the fogginess in his brain to answer her, but nothing came out of his mouth. And then she spoke again. “Hold onto me so we don’t lose each other this time.”

He caught his breath. _Hold… onto you?_ Did she really just say that? What did that mean? Hold onto her… hand? Her arm? Just then the pushing from the attendants began outside again, and with the new influx of passengers, she separated from him.

He saw her trying to move her head around to see him. “I said hold onto me!” she said, a little more insistently.

Another wave of passengers came, and this time he could feel himself getting swept even farther from her. He was hesitating too long--there was no time for this. Finally he shoved through the people in front of him and reached out for her, catching her around the waist. Maybe this wasn’t what she’d meant, but there were too many arms and hands in here for him to figure out which ones were hers right now. He pulled her, struggling against the crowd, and pulled her again, and then finally she was back with him, except this time his arms were wrapped snugly around her middle the way he’d been imagining before. Only she felt better than he’d imagined. She felt amazing. His pulse raced as he felt his fingers involuntarily starting to spread over her stomach--no, he couldn’t do that. But could he hold her just a little tighter? Would she notice or just think it was because of the crowded space? He could feel her warmth starting to seep into him, or maybe it was his own internal temperature that was rising.

“Yuzu.”

Zhenya’s voice broke into his sensory distractions and made him focus on reality again. Crap. Maybe he _was_ holding her too closely. And crap, she’d said his name. Had anyone heard her? He warily looked around to be sure.

“Are you listening to me?” she was saying, and then she impatiently started twisting around, turning inside his arms to face him, lifting her head up to look at him. “Where are we getting--” Their eyes met. “--off.” she breathed out.

He stared at her. Was this real life? Zhenya, in his arms, looking up at him like this, her lips tantalizingly close, her chest rising and falling against his own? This had to be a dream. And then someone’s elbow jabbed into his back and he groaned. No, this wasn’t a dream.

“Sorry--” he said, tearing his eyes off her and forcing himself to look up at the map above their heads. “I think...just two more stops.”

“You were going to make me walk all that way?”

He couldn’t let himself look back down at her again. “It isn’t as far to walk above ground,” he replied.

“ _Sou ka_ ,” Zhenya murmured, and hearing the common phrase, another soft smile spread across his face. Sometimes he forgot they were actually speaking in Japanese--it just felt right. Just like his arms around her felt right. Wait, was he still holding her? He dropped his arms, his cheeks burning at the realization. He dared to look at her--and then he saw that she was blushing, too, eyes downcast. Butterflies attacked his stomach. And then the train lurched to a stop again. She fell forward against him, and without thinking, his arms went around her again to catch her. Besides, everyone was pushing against them again. _Can we just… stay like this?_  The train started up again and he wondered if he should let her go again,but then somehow he felt her pressing closer to him--and he couldn’t fight the feeling anymore. His body was responding to hers, an intense heat spreading out through his torso and into his neck, his hands, his feet. With Zhenya’s body molded against his own, he could feel every breath she took… was it his imagination or was she breathing as fast as he was right now? Someone shoved into him as the train rounded a curve, and he instantly took advantage of the jolt to let his fingers dig satisfyingly into the small of her back, pulling her tighter to him. He heard her suck in a short, small breath--and then he suddenly came to his senses again, letting go of her. What was he doing?

And why was it so hot in here? He felt a bead of sweat trickle down his back, and he glanced hesitantly around to see if anyone had noticed the fact that he was so obviously flustered right now. To his relief, everyone’s heads were pretty much down or looking out the windows--apparently no one really wanted to make eye contact crammed this close together with a bunch of strangers. Still, he needed to get ahold of himself. _What are you thinking, idiot? Letting yourself get carried away again just like before, in the middle of a public subway no less? You're supposed to be taking things slow. You're supposed to let her come to you._ He closed his eyes again, centering himself.

And then suddenly the train was stopping again. “This is us,” he managed to say.

Finally they were away from the throng, climbing the stairs back to the street.

“So where are we?” Zhenya asked brightly, and Yuzu filled his lungs with the refreshing cold air. Everything was fine. Everything was the fault of the train. Everything was fine.

They reached the top of the stairs, and then their destination came into view.

“I told you I wanted to skate with you,” he said, smiling.

Zhenya stopped in her tracks. “The hockey stadium.”

Yuzu looked closely at her. She looked more stunned than pleased. Did she not like this? “Is this not a good idea?” he ventured.

“No, I--” she said quickly. “It’s just that… I haven’t skated since the summer shows after the Olympics.”

Yuzu let out the breath he'd been holding. “Hah, is that all?”

She turned her face up to his, her eyebrow a little annoyed. “What do you mean, is that all? What if…” she paused hesitantly. “What if I can't anymore?”

Her sudden vulnerability caught Yuzu by surprise. Not skate? Evgenia Medvedeva, Olympic gold medalist? “What are you talking about? Of course you can.”

“What if I’m all wobbly or something? It’s been so long.” Zhenya said, looking away as she laughed. Something about her laugh sounded forced though. Yuzu stared at her as he slowly became aware of what was going on, why they were still standing here on the wrong side of the street. Zhenya… was afraid. The words didn’t seem to belong in the same breath together--Zhenya and fear. She was always the fearless one--in fact, he couldn’t recall a time when he’d seen her afraid of anything--and now she was afraid of the one thing she’d always loved? What had happened to her? What had changed since the last time he’d seen her? He swallowed again, remembering what exactly _had_ happened then. Was this… his fault?

She looked back at him. Her eyes were searching his, looking for something. “It’s… been a long time, Yuzu,” she said softly.

A powerful feeling rushed through him and it was all he could do not to sweep her into his arms again. It had been a long time, but everything was still there, wasn’t it? It wasn’t too late, was it? They could still do this, couldn’t they? Wait--were they talking about skating? It didn’t matter.

He took a step toward her, and for a moment he thought she might back away from him, but instead she just lowered her eyes. “It wasn’t as long ago as you think, Zhenya. You’ll see,” he said, his voice only a little louder than a whisper.

“And what if I get hurt?”

“You won’t,” he said quickly, and then he impulsively reached down and grabbed her hand with his own. Her eyes shot up to his and his stomach flip-flopped, but now was no time to waver. “I’ll be with you. Trust me,” he said, his voice firm. And then, a little quieter. “It’ll come back to you, I promise.”

“You promise?” Zhenya looked up again, and he was relieved to see her eyes narrowing skeptically...teasingly. Her chin tilted up in defiance, but she was smiling. “How can you promise something like that? You think you know everything, don’t you?”

“I know you,” he grinned, and then he tugged on her hand. The crosswalk sound had gone off. It was time to go.

She half-resisted, half-let him pull her. “You’ve been away too long. I’ve changed. I’m different now,” she called out as he led her across the street.

“No, you’re not,” he said over his shoulder, grinning. “You’re still you. I can still see it sometimes.”

She sputtered. “Like when?”

“Like when I do this,” Yuzu said, pulling her up on the sidewalk and pretending like he was going to poke her in the ribs again.

She reacted fast and swatted him, hard. “You---”

“See,” he grinned, and then he mimicked her, waving his hand across the sky. “Tokyo’s Hottest New Designer Assaults Fellow Olympian for No Apparent Reason,” he read the headline. “Is that the new, calm, cool, collected Evgenia Medvedeva?”

She glared at him.

“But that’s the one I know,” he grinned. “You’re still there. That’s how I know you’ll be just fine on the ice. Honestly, it’s the ice that should be worried.”

“Whatever,” she scoffed, but he could see her fighting a smile. He was right, this time.

\---

**Zhenya**

  
“Ah, look. It’s closed.” Zhenya peered through the doors at the unlit lobby of the hockey arena, and then leaned back to look at the door itself, running her finger along the characters imprinted on the glass. Learning to speak Japanese had come quickly and easily for her, but it took longer for her to read it. As far as she could tell, it would be closed to the public until sometime later that afternoon.

“But not for us.”

She looked up at Yuzu, who stood next to her grinning.

“Of course. You’re Yuzuru Hanyu,” she rolled her eyes. He could probably get into anything he wanted in this city--in this country--with just a quick phone call. And that’s precisely what he was doing now. Making a phone call.

“We’re here,” he said to whomever had answered, and then there was a loud click of the door, indicating it had unlocked.

“Ladies first,” Yuzu bowed politely, opening the door for her.

Zhenya laughed. “Such a gentleman.”

“I told you, this is a date,” he said, reaching behind her and giving her a gentle shove toward the door. Her heart jumped a little--was it from his touch or from that word he kept insisting on using? Maybe it was a bit of both. She’d never admit it to him, or to anyone, but how close they’d been on the subway just now had completely unnerved her. She was partly to blame for that--she _had_ said for him to hold onto her, but how was she to know he’d take it so literally? Yuzu had hugged her plenty of times throughout their friendship for various reasons--it wasn’t that she was completely unfamiliar with how it felt to be in his arms. But something this time had felt different. No, it was just because it’d been...so long. Right? Or maybe it was because he’d crossed the barrier between friendship and… something else… again, not with a kiss, like last time, but with his words. _This is a date._ She shook her head. He must mean a friends date. There were such things as friends dates, right? How could it be anything but that, planned spur of the moment like this? They’d just happened to run into each other this morning. Besides, Yuzu didn’t go on actual dates, with anyone. Not that she could remember, anyway. Wait, except for that girl at the restaurant. He’d said they weren’t dating--but what was that? The type of restaurant that was, the way they were dressed… maybe they weren’t an official couple or anything… but that had looked very much like a date. She stole a glance at him as she followed him through the dark hallways of the stadium. He didn’t _look_ any different than he always had, but was it possible that he’d somehow changed, too? Was he actually interested in things like dates now?

“Mmm, I think...we turn here,” Yuzu talked out loud to himself as they entered another hallway. “Yup, right here,” he nodded.

Zhenya looked at where they’d stopped. It was the rental counter, but it was closed. She saw Yuzu checking at his phone. “They said it would be here,” he was muttering, and then he looked up. “Oh.” He reached forward and rolled up the accordion-style window to reveal a large white box on the counter behind it. “Here it is.”

“What’s that?” she asked.

Yuzu grinned. “Skates, of course.” He opened the box and pulled out a pair that looked like it would fit him, and then, he reached in again for hers. She gasped a little when he handed them to her. “These are…”

“The right size? The right model?” Yuzu grinned, looking rather proud of himself. “Well, they’re not custom fitted or anything. But...they should be okay for one day.”

“How did you remember?” she gaped at him, incredulous.

“I told you, I remember everything,” he said, and she felt her stomach flip a little with the tone he used. “Oh yeah. There’s one more thing.”

He reached into the box again, and for some strange reason, her stomach flipped again. And then she saw what he took out, and she decided her stomach really did have a reason for feeling that strange. It was a single red rose. This was starting to feel more like a real date after all.  



	8. Pink Lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had intended for this to only be about 10 chapters but apparently I'm long winded as usual and this may end up being a few more than that. I'd probably better start naming my chapters, lol.

Zhenya took the rose and twirled it in her fingers, giving Yuzu a look. “A rose? Really?”

“Don’t laugh,” Yuzu scowled. “I was just trying to one-up the carnation.”

Zhenya looked at Yuzu, and for a second, she felt a small twinge of disappointment. So it wasn’t that he was trying to be romantic. He was just being competitive. Of course. That was totally Yuzu. He had to compete with everyone, even with someone who was anonymous and faceless to both of them. She looked down, nodding, attempting to smile.

“Ah, it’s not enough? Should I have gotten a dozen?”

Her head shot up. What?

“Two dozen?” His eyebrows raised in question, and Zhenya’s mouth hung open. Was he being serious?

And then his eyes crinkled, turning into little rounded slits. “I’m just kidding,” he laughed. “Come on.”

A couple of minutes later, Yuzu was pushing open the door to the lower level entrance of the stadium. Cool air greeted Zhenya--not the biting chill of winter that swirled outside, though. No--here, the cold was still and calm...and familiar. She looked up at the stands. The lights were half dimmed, but even in the shadows she could see level after level looming high above them. How long had it been since she’d been in a stadium? It was almost like she could hear the echo of the crowds that usually filled all those seats, just for a moment. In places that looked like this, in air that felt like this, she’d spent most of her childhood and all of her adolescence, just like Yuzu. It almost felt like coming home.

“Don’t tell me you forgot how to lace your skates?” Yuzu’s voice broke into her thoughts, and she turned to see him sitting on a bench, his laces already completely done. He gave her a smile and patted the spot next to him, and without protest she joined him.

Her feet slid into the boots, and she leaned down to begin, but then to her dismay, her loose hair fell forward into her eyes. She sighed, sitting back up. She had a hair tie, didn’t she? She felt under her sweater sleeve for her wrist. The girls at the studio were always chiding her for wearing an elastic like a teenager, but it was an old habit that was hard to break--you never knew when you might need one. Ah, there it was. Her hands deftly swept her hair back and up, and then she caught something out of the corner of her eye. Yuzu. He was looking--no… he was gazing at her.

“What are you looking at?” she asked, trying to push the responsibility for that shy feeling she was getting onto him.

It worked. He looked a little embarrassed to have been caught staring. “Your hair… that way,” he stumbled a little over his words.

“I know. You’re thinking, it’s the old Zhenya.” She finished tying her hair up and turned to face him. “You like the old Zhenya better than the new Zhenya, right?”

“I like both of them.”

He said it so seriously it took her breath away.

She stared at him. “Well, that’s good,” she finally mumbled, and then she bent down to her skates again. She hadn’t forgotten how to lace them, but it wasn’t as easy as she’d remembered, and it didn’t help that she was feeling unsettled again. Conscious of Yuzu watching her, she tried to go faster, but in her haste, she missed a hook. Frustrated, she undid a couple to get back to it.

“Let me.”

Her head turned. Somehow without her noticing, Yuzu had slid closer to her on the bench and was leaning down right next to her, his head inches from hers. Their eyes connected again, and then he reached forward to take over her work. It was more of a knee-jerk reaction, how she sat up so quickly--a way to avoid their bodies touching again--but Yuzu must have taken it as a go-ahead, because now she could hear the soft whirring of the laces as he did them up with lightning speed below her view. Zhenya leaned back, too overwhelmed with how much Yuzu was in her personal space to do anything but stare at his curved back as he bent over her lap, the tightening of the boots around her legs mirroring the constricting pressure around her heart. Finally he stood up and grinned at her like there was nothing more natural in the world.

She took a deep breath and stood up, too.

“Ready?”

She stared at his proffered hand. Was she supposed to take that? First he called this a date, then he gave her a rose, and now he wanted to hold her hand? But he’d also blamed the date on her getting stood up and joked about why and how many flowers she should have. What was real and what wasn’t? Her head hurt trying to figure it out.

She decided to wait, knowing that with Yuzu’s typical impatience, he’d likely either grab her hand himself or give up, and then she wouldn’t have to decide what to do. But, to her surprise, he just stood there, smiling, his hand still extended, making him look a little bit like some sort of Prince Charming. Her eyes narrowed. What was he trying to be, actually? And, ugh, why did he actually look so charming like that?

What came over her, she didn’t know, but with one quick motion she found herself reaching forward and taking his hand. All of a sudden something like an electric current coursed through her, and her eyes locked into their hands. He’d taken her hand only minutes ago, outside--and nothing like that had happened then. What was the difference now? Oh. She’d been wearing gloves before. This time, it was… skin. She swallowed.    

Yuzu grinned again, and she was annoyed to see that the contact had somehow not unnerved him at all. The next thing she knew, they were stepping onto the ice.

Her right blade shuddered a little on the slick surface, making a _pa-pa-pa-pa_ sound that sent her heart jumping. Shocked by her own nervousness, she let go of Yuzu’s hand, grasping the walls of the rink instead.  Suddenly an image of inexperienced schoolchildren teetering around the boards filled her head. She couldn't be that bad.

“That was just the first step, Zhenya,” Yuzu said next to her and she pouted at him. “Of course it’s going to feel weird. That doesn’t mean you’ve lost it.” He pried her fingers off the boards, surrounding her hand with his again. “Come on, try again.”

She nodded and stepped forward, and this time, the edge ran smoothly over the ice. There, that felt better. She’d just overreacted.

Another step, then another--but then she leaned a little too much into Yuzu’s grip, and her knees… actually... wobbled a little. Horrified, she looked up at Yuzu.

“You know what the problem is. You’re going too slow,” Yuzu shook his head. “You have to be confident, get a rhythm.”

She frowned at him. He was absolutely right, she knew, but it was easier said than done. And then, she realized he was looking at her curiously.

“Wait--don’t tell me. You’re afraid to… fall?”

Was she? “No,” she retorted. “Although, I would prefer not to leave here with a bunch of bruises. I have a very important event tonight--” she started and then she suddenly stopped, shutting her eyes with the thought. Tonight. The ball was tonight. Had she actually forgotten? How could she be here with Yuzu right now, knowing that tonight, Kentaro would--

“Don’t think about it.”

Why was that voice so soft and close all of a sudden?

Her eyes opened, and to her disbelief, Yuzu was standing right in front of her… like, _right_ in front of her. She looked down to avoid his eyes, but when she did, her eyes landed on something else instead. She blinked. He was standing so near to her that his skates had slid in between hers on the ice. His boot, her boot, his, hers… any closer and his leg would touch hers, wouldn’t it? Or… more than his leg? If that happened, she really would fall.

And then, without warning, she felt Yuzu’s hand slip under her chin. What was happening? She couldn't breathe again. Ah… to think her heart had fluttered at touching his hand just a second ago--that touch had done nothing to her compared to the hot wave that passed through her with this. And now he was lifting her chin, making her look at him. Oh no, she couldn’t. She couldn’t look at those eyes, or she’d melt. She couldn’t--but he was still tilting her face upwards to his. Finally she looked up, but it was too much--her legs were turning to jelly beneath her. Instead, she should look at… what else was there...his lips? No, that wasn’t any better at all. All she could think about now was what those lips felt like. Strange, she’d forgotten how the ice should feel under her feet, but for some reason, the feeling of Yuzu’s mouth was so well burned in her memory that it was like it had been on hers just yesterday. Wait--he wasn’t going to...kiss her...again, was he? Why else would he be holding her face like this, his fingers pressing slightly into the underside of her jaw, standing this close to her?

“You know you’re not supposed to look down,” he whispered. He let go of her chin.

Zhenya let out a breath. That was better. Why did he have to do that, if that’s all he was going to say? Didn’t he know that--

Yuzu’s hands went around her waist.

That was worse.

“You have to center yourself, remember?” he said, his hands starting to travel up the sides of her body.

She had to be blushing by now, right? _Center yourself. Yes, center yourself._

“Straighten up,” he demanded, shaking her a little to adjust her back into position. “Look at me.” And then he reached up, aligning her head into place, before tracing an imaginary line down the length of her torso. Zhenya stared at him. She knew where this was going--this was _his_ ritual to find his axis, and she’d seen him do it a thousand times, enough to know it by heart… next, he would touch her left shoulder...now her right shoulder. But knowing what was coming next didn’t make it any easier to control what it did to her when he touched her left hip and then slowly slid his hand across her stomach to the right.

“ _Baka,_ ” she burst out, shoving him away. “I’m not going to be jumping or anything. Besides, that only works when you do it to yourself.”

“Oh, really?” Yuzu was sliding away from her, crossing his arms in amusement.

And that’s when she realized she’d been the one to push him that far.

“Seems like you’re steadier now, though,” he chuckled. “Must have done something.”

“It couldn't possibly have. You have to do it fast.”

“But everything is slow now,” he said softly, and then in one stride he was back at her side. And then he slowly, softly took her hand.

Whatever that meant, she still wasn't sure, but if it meant that whenever he said it her thoughts would turn sluggish, then it was true. She couldn’t think of a single thing right now.

“Skate with me, Zhenya,” he said.

And then, without thinking, her feet began to glide beneath her.

“I told you it’d work if you didn’t think about it.”

She looked over at Yuzu, feeling a smile starting to take over. They were circling the rink now, their skates moving faster and faster in unison. It was coming back to her, wasn't it? It was. It was. She shouldn't have worried so much.

Suddenly there was a loud sound above them, and her head jerked skyward. Her feet skidded to a stop. What was that? Then there was a flicker, and then the lights went completely off, leaving them in complete darkness. She shrieked.

“What’s going on?” she gasped, pulling Yuzu by the hand closer to her. “Why did the lights go off?”

“I don't know,” he replied quickly.

Another loud sound. Was an earthquake coming? No matter how many of those she’d felt while living here, she’d never gotten used to them. Fear gripped her, and Zhenya couldn't help herself anymore. She reached out in the dark for Yuzu, and clung to him. And then the lights flickered on again.

Except… this time they were pink. And moving in circles all around the ice.

Zhenya's mouth fell open. What in the world? It looked like… like when the slow songs would come on and everyone would couple up at a public skating rink.

“Did you plan this?” she turned to Yuzu. And then she promptly remembered she was still clutching his shirt in her hands. She let go.

“Are you kidding me? Would I do something this cheesy?” he guffawed.

“Well, you did give me a single rose,” Zhenya teased.

He gave her a displeased look. “Believe me, I had nothing to do with this.” He looked up and around as if hoping to find the culprit. And then he sighed.

“Well, let's try to ignore it,” he said matter-of-factly.

Zhenya looked forward at the lights dancing in slow patterns around them and giggled. “How can we ignore it?”

He sighed again, and then he reached into his pocket for his phone. He turned away, and Zhenya frowned a little.

“What are you doing?”

Yuzu cleared his throat and turned back towards her. “If we can't ignore it, let's… make the most of it?” And then he held out his hand again.

Zhenya looked down. In his palm was a small earpiece.

“Can’t have lights without music,” he said, but his face was so serious, she had to work hard to suppress a chuckle.

“Guess not,” she said, biting her lip, and then she took the earbud, looking up at him. And then they both burst out laughing.

“Ah, this is so bad,” he coughed, laughing over his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Let’s make the most of it,” Zhenya said once she was able to stop the laughter. She reached up to her ear with the small piece. “Your music better not suck.”

“Of course it doesn't suck,” Yuzu rolled his eyes, putting the other one into his opposite ear. And then, he took her hand and they were off again.

Her feet were more than solid beneath her now, but Zhenya didn’t mention it to Yuzu. Not just yet. Skating to music in circles around the rink edge, hand in hand like this, surrounded in the soft pink glow of the lights, it was hard not to imagine they were one of those couples in a public rink. It _was_ kind of cheesy. But it also felt… really nice. How many hours had she spent on the ice, training, competing, entertaining an audience, working? And yet in all those hours, she'd never done anything like this. This is how other people ice skated. Regular people. It was nice to be a regular person with Yuzu. She stole another little glance at him. Had he ever skated around a rink holding hands with a girl before? She smiled softly. Maybe he hadn't. It would be nice if he hadn't.

“You’re fine now, aren’t you?” Yuzu grinned at her a little while later.

She blushed. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been doing crossovers,” he laughed. “Do you realize how fast we’re going?”

She glanced over at the sidelines. They were a smooth blur. They were skating fast all right.

“I’m letting go now,” she heard Yuzu say.

_Don’t let go._

He suddenly switched positions so he was skating backwards in front of her. Even going backwards, he was faster than her. He released her hand.

But she didn’t need his hand anymore. She was free, on her own. Her skating legs were back, and it almost felt like she’d never lost them.

“Think you can can catch me?” Yuzu challenged, his eyes shining.

“I doubt it,” she laughed.

“Try.”

Soon they were racing around the rink, faster and faster. A thrill rushed through Zhenya--something she hadn’t felt in a long time. It felt like she was flying. It felt amazing.

But there was still no way she could keep up with Yuzu. Maybe her feet had come back to her quickly, but her stamina wouldn’t return so fast. She finally crashed into the boards back at the entrance next to him, where he’d been waiting for several seconds already. Breathing hard, she looked up at him.

He _tsk_ -ed, shaking his head with a smile. “I have some eight year olds who are faster than that,” he teased her.

Zhenya blinked. “So you’re coaching now?” She’d been wanting to know what he was up to.

“Brian and Tracy were gracious enough to let me stay at the club,” Yuzu nodded.

She laughed. “Gracious enough? How many extra classes did they have to add for all the new students you brought in?”

He shook his head. “I don’t do group training, not yet. I’m a specialist--most of the time I work with Ghislain.”

Zhenya smiled at the mention of their jumping coach, the memory of his jovial spirit making her feel warm all over. “Ghislain...how is he?”

“The same,” Yuzu laughed. “Everyone’s the same. They’d all love to see you. You should come visit sometime.”

 _I’d like that,_ she mused. But when would there be time? She had been so busy here, she hadn’t even been able to go home to Moscow for Christmas. Training and competing had been tiring, but her new high-paced lifestyle was even more exhausting. Standing here, still trying to catch her breath, she realized how weak she really felt.

But Yuzu didn’t seem to be tired at all. “Show me your spins,” he suddenly said.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for _that_ ,” Zhenya balked, and he laughed.

“Pssh. Stop doubting yourself. You haven’t forgotten,” Yuzu said encouragingly, and she looked up at him. Maybe she hadn’t. Maybe she could try.

A few minutes later, she was coming out of a well-executed scratch spin. “I didn’t forget,” she announced proudly, looking around for Yuzu. But before her eyes could focus on him, her head swam, and her legs buckled beneath her.

Strong arms caught her, preventing her from hitting the ice.

“Ah, but you forgot how to not get dizzy,” Yuzu laughed quietly as he lifted her up.

She shook her head, trying to clear the spinning sensation. And then she realized Yuzu was still holding her, and a different kind of dizziness came over her. Those pink circles were doing this to her, right? She closed her eyes, but the damp heat she could feel from Yuzu’s body making contact with hers was making her blush again. Why did he do this to her? This was crazy. Especially when he was just helping her, especially when she knew it meant nothing like that to him.

She got ahold of herself, opening her eyes again, focusing straight ahead, which was apparently Yuzu’s chest. “I’m okay now,” she said, starting to pull away.

And then, she felt the slightest resistance from his hands on her back. She stopped, her heartbeat accelerating. What was that? She didn’t dare to look at him.

“Zhenya,” he whispered. His voice was low and deep, and she’d never heard anyone say her name quite like that before. Was it because of her sudden awareness of everything about him that she could hear the sound of his breathing, or was it actually louder now? Maybe touching her did do something to him after all. Against her better judgment, she let her eyes drift up to his--only to find he wasn’t looking back. He was looking...at her mouth. Her stomach twisted into knots. He was going to kiss her. She could barely breathe again, but this time it felt like she was being choked. He couldn’t--he couldn’t. What if he regretted it again? What if he tried to take it back? That couldn’t happen again, not when things had just started to feel normal again between them after so long. He couldn’t--he couldn’t ruin it again. But he was leaning in, slowly, coming closer, so close the air he exhaled was brushing over her lips, driving her mad. He was so impossible to resist. She felt her eyes closing, starting to give in.

_Boom._

Zhenya’s eyes flew open. And then suddenly, the lights went off again.


	9. Blue Dresses

**Yuzuru**

 

_Boom._

And just like that, the pink lights were gone. Yuzu reluctantly stood straighter in the darkness, forcing himself to think of how exactly he might strangle Shoma instead of how much he wanted to kiss the girl in front of him just now. He looked down at her as one by one, the big lights started turning back on--but what he saw made his heart drop more than the sudden noise that had jolted him just then. Zhenya looked… relieved.

Of course. If she’d been against a kiss after years of closeness, how in the world would she be okay with it after years of separation? But her eyes _had_ closed, hadn’t they? Or was that just due to her dizzy spell? Either way, a kiss wasn't happening right now… the only thing to do was to get rid of the awkwardness. He should make a joke about gremlins, or tease her about her dizziness. But his usual wit seemed to have completely evaporated.

“Well, I guess we don’t have to worry about that anymore,” he said simply, while slowly, subtly releasing his hold on her.

“Yeah,” she murmured, looking around. “Guess it’s back to normal now.”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Yuzu said. And then, he decided to push his luck just a little. “It was kind of fun, though.”

He was pleased to see her eyes dart up quickly. A hint of a smile appeared, first in her eyes, and then just barely on her lips--and then another sound interrupted the moment. A phone ringing. Her gaze left his as she looked down, fishing inside her coat pocket.

But then her expression changed as she looked at the caller ID. “Excuse me just for a second,” she said, turning a bit as she answered. But even with her head turned, Yuzu could tell something was wrong. Her shoulders had immediately tightened, her back arching just a little as if she was about to get defensive.

And then suddenly he heard her explode into a rush of Japanese. His mouth fell open, so in awe of her rapid-fire execution of the words that he could barely make out what she was saying. Something about a dress being wrong, he gathered. Whatever it was, Zhenya was mad. He shouldn’t have been so thrilled by it, but her speaking his language so quickly and naturally like that couldn’t have been more attractive. In fact, he was so enthralled he hardly noticed that she was ending the conversation.

“I have to go,” she said to him, and then he finally blinked.

“What?”

“Something’s come up at work,” she said. “I should have known better to try to take a day off this close to Christmas. Sorry to have to just run off like this.” She sounded sincerely apologetic. “But this was nice. I had fun.”

Yuzu stared at her in disbelief. She was leaving? But they’d barely spent any time together. They hadn’t done any of the other things he’d wanted to do.

“Well, then,” Zhenya said slowly, raising her eyebrows when he didn’t respond. “ _Sayonara_.”

He frowned. _Sayonara?_ She didn’t mean it… like that, did she? Maybe she just thought it was a regular goodbye--and then he reminded himself of how she’d been speaking on the phone just now. Evgenia completely understood Japanese. She meant goodbye, for real. Suddenly he felt his heart beating faster, but this time it wasn’t for that kind of reason. What was happening? This wasn’t how the date was supposed to go. They were supposed to have spent all day together, and then, after hours of reminiscing about old times and enjoying their old favorite things together, he’d earn her trust enough to tell her he didn’t just miss her as a friend. But they’d only been together part of the morning--it was too soon. Too soon for a kiss, too soon for a confession--too soon for everything.

She turned around again, leaving the ice and going to sit on the bench again to remove her skates. Yuzu still stared at her, trying to think. And then he finally sprang forward.

“Take me with you,” he blurted out.

She looked up at him with shock on her face, and then it disappeared as she laughed. “I’m going to work, Yuzu.”

“I know. I want to come. I want to see where you work.”

“You can’t just come see where I work--” she started, and then she paused. “Well, maybe _you_ could. But not right now. Apparently things are on the verge of a disaster.”

“I could help?”

Zhenya laughed again. “Not likely. It’s a problem with a dress--that’s going to be worn tonight. It has to be taken care of like, yesterday.”

“Then I’ll just stay out of your way,” he said earnestly.

She took a deep breath, and then her face turned just a little more serious. “Why do you want to come so much?”

“I told you before. Because I missed you,” he said, gulping again. “This... was really short. I don’t want to say goodbye yet.”

She suddenly looked down at her skates before he could catch her expression. And then she said something he couldn’t hear.

“What?” he asked, leaning forward.

“I said, you’d better hurry up if you’re going to come,” she said, looking up at him. "I can’t be waiting around for you.”

Yuzu grinned and plunked himself down beside her, leaning over to unlace his skates. And then she glared at him when he finished before she did.

“Who’s waiting on whom?” he teased as he reached down to pick up her skates, throwing them in the box as she leaned down again to put on her street shoes. She looked up to give him a look again, but he stopped her with a wink. His boldness proved successful as he saw a little blush rise in her cheeks again.

“None of that at the office,” she reprimanded him, gathering up her things in a flustered manner.

“Why not?” he smirked as they made their way towards the exit.

“Because some people there know that I’m--” she said and then she stopped in her tracks, right in front of the door.

Yuzu looked at her quickly. _That she’s...what?_

“Never mind,” she said. “Just behave yourself.”

“As you wish,” he said with feigned solemnity, and then opened the door and bowed. She shook her head and smiled.

And then she spoke in English.

“You’re the worst.”

\---

“Thank goodness you’re finally here,” a girl called out as soon as they walked into Zhenya’s workplace.

Yuzu looked around the building--a warehouse type space buzzing with activity. Everyone seemed on high alert, speaking loudly on phone calls or scurrying around with various fabrics and supplies piled in their arms.

The girl who’d called out was now bustling her way over to Zhenya, carrying a giant garment bag and a sheet of paper with hastily scrawled words all over it. She didn’t even seem to notice Yuzu as she launched into an animated explanation.

“Even more instructions came with it when it arrived. More beads. More crystals. More layers underneath so it stands out more. A deeper V in the back, a lower neckline, and add straps,” the girl read aloud to her. Zhenya took the dress, her eyes widening with each line item, but she nodded, taking it all in.

“Oh… and she wants it dyed a darker color.”

At that, Zhenya’s mouth dropped. “What?”

“She wants it to be dark blue.”

“That’s ridiculous!” Zhenya raised her voice. “The dress is supposed to be light. The whole winter collection is light. Why would she even bother ordering a gown from this line if she wanted something dark?”

The girl shrugged. “You know her type.”

Yuzu could already picture her. Some up-and-coming star, no doubt, obsessed with others’ opinions, yet unable to make up her own mind, demanding and expecting everyone around her to work miracles at a moment’s notice. Divas were all too common in the worlds of figure skating, entertainment and television--the circles he most frequently moved in. They were one of the reasons he’d avoided dating any of the women he’d met the last few years. They were one of the reasons Zhenya had stood out so much to him so long ago. She was nothing like them.

Zhenya closed her eyes in exasperation. “This has to be ready in what, four hours?”

“She’ll start calling in three, no doubt.”

“I’ll do what I can,” Zhenya sighed, shaking her head skeptically. She looked over her shoulder at Yuzu. “Come on.”

She started walking through the long aisles of the warehouse, calling out instructions to the young woman, as she and Yuzu followed meekly behind. “I need a seamstress as soon as possible, someone from the dye shop, someone from embellishments, and--”

“There’s no one from embellishments here today.”

Zhenya stopped and looked at the girl. “Perfect. I’ll have to do them myself, then.”

“I could help with that,” Yuzu spoke up.

Both girls’ heads suddenly turned to him.

For the first time, the younger girl’s eyes landed on Yuzu, and then they sparked with recognition. “Aren’t you--” the girl started, and Zhenya grimaced, grabbing Yuzu’s arm.

“Yes, he’s here’s to help me,” she said quickly.

“Why him? What happened to--”

“I’ll call you if I need anything,” Zhenya interrupted her, practically dragging Yuzu out of sight.

Yuzu bit his lip, amused, as Zhenya pulled him into a side office, closing the door behind them. “Don’t want to be seen running around with me?”

Zhenya didn’t look at him. “I don’t have time for their questions right now,” she said, throwing the garment bag up on a work table and unzipping it. And then she pulled the dress out, layers upon layers of finery spilling out onto the table. It was a gorgeous gown, an ombre of icy shades of blue with shimmering crystals and intricate beadwork all over the bodice and light, flowing fabric cascading into a full, dreamy skirt. The details were exquisite.

“You made this?” Yuzu asked, coming over to feel the material.

“I designed it, yes,” Zhenya said. “I don’t do the actual sewing--I have seamstresses for that. One should be here soon.” She grabbed a pincushion and started pinning back the material to form a deeper V-shape in the back the way the client had requested.

“She’s ruining the dress, isn’t she?”

Zhenya looked up at Yuzu. “It’ll be like a completely different dress. But it’s what the client wants.” But she was gritting her teeth. He knew she was upset. And then her shoulders dropped as she touched the fabric lovingly. “This one… it was actually my favorite,” she said, her tone wistful. “It almost hurts when someone wants to change something you spent so much time on, you know?”

Yuzu nodded.

“It’s like they didn’t understand it,” Zhenya said, and something twinged in Yuzu’s heart. They’d often talked about this feeling, when casual observers didn’t appreciate the details they put into their choreography, or worse, when haters picked their programs apart. All they’d wanted was for someone to love what they loved, to see what they saw.

“It’s beautiful, Zhenya.” He saw what she loved in this dress.

“You think so?”

“Mmhmm. The color is--”

“Something you would wear?” Zhenya looked at him, a light smile crossing her lips. “I know. I liked it, too. A lot. That’s why I’m so sad it has to change.”

“It’s criminal,” Yuzu shook his head.

“It’s not just criminal. It’s almost impossible,” Zhenya said, biting her lip. She looked at the clock, taking a deep breath. “Even with our commercial dryers, we’re going to be hard-pressed for time dyeing it after alterations. If it comes out wrong, we’re screwed. If only there was another way.”

“Maybe there is another way,” he said thoughtfully.

Just then there was a knock at the door, and an older woman Yuzu assumed was the seamstress came in. She glanced at Yuzu and her eyebrows raised, but she said nothing as she hurried to Zhenya’s side. Yuzu turned around to leave them to their work, looking instead around at the space. The office seemed too stark to be Zhenya’s, but on the desk he saw sketches in a familiar style, and the notes were in her handwriting. And there, next to the computer monitor was the smallest figurine of a cat. It was Luna. He smiled. The rest of the room was simple--a couple of chairs, a wardrobe rack with a few other garment bags hanging on it, a wastebasket that was full to overflowing. He tilted his head at the wastebasket. She must have been busy lately, too busy to take it out. Sure enough, when he reached down to remove the bag, he saw that the majority of its contents were takeout boxes--and lots of empty coffee cups.

Takeout boxes. He looked back quickly at the clock. Ah, lunch. He’d totally forgotten to call Shoma.

“I’ll be right back--just taking this out,” he said to Zhenya as he brought the bag to the door.

“Thanks,” she nodded, barely looking up at him as she scribbled something out for the seamstress.

After disposing of the trash in the breakroom he found, he reached into his pocket for his cell phone.

“Before you say anything, let me just explain,” Shoma started yelling as soon as he picked up.

“I would kill you if I didn’t still need you,” Yuzu growled.

“I fell asleep, okay? Apparently they run on automatic timer, and they just shut off on their own!” Shoma shouted.

“The lights going OFF wasn’t the issue,” Yuzu spat out. “Why did you turn them ON?”

“What? You didn’t like the lights?” Shoma almost sounded offended. “I don’t know, I thought they kind of set the mood.”

“They set the mood all right,” Yuzu scoffed. “I almost kissed her.”

“And that would have been… bad?”

Yuzu sighed. “Never mind, Shoma. The reason I called you was about lunch. I need to change it.”

“Oh, good. I was wondering why you wanted to order something weird like that.”

“I still want it,” Yuzu said with half a scowl. “I just need it delivered someplace else.”

“What? Why?”

“We’re not at the rink anymore, Shoma.”

Suddenly he heard some shuffling around on the other end of the line. “Oh.”

“You’ve been sleeping up there this whole time, haven’t you?”

“No!” Shoma said emphatically. “Maybe. Anyway. Text me the address, okay? Where are you, actually?

“Her work. Something big came up,” Yuzu responded. “We’ll be here for a while, I think.”

Shoma tsked. “Ah. So much for your amazing date.”

Yuzu looked out across the break room absently. “As long as I’m with her. That’s all that matters.”

Hanging up with Shoma, he left the room, messaging him the location as he walked. And then he looked up--and almost collided with someone walking towards him carrying another large garment bag. He swerved just in time, but it was enough to catch the old woman’s attention.

“Yuzuru Hanyu!” she gasped.

Yuzu glanced around hurriedly, hoping no one had heard her, before bowing politely.

“Imagine seeing you here! I’m such a fan!” she babbled excitedly. “Are we making something for you? Oh--you know Medvedeva-san, don’t you?”

“ _Hai_ ,” Yuzu nodded, and then for some reason he found himself blushing. Was that safe to admit?

The older woman smiled. “If you could, can you bring this dress to her? I’d rather not bother her, but she does need it.”

“Not for alterations, I hope,” Yuzu said, looking worriedly at her office. “I don’t think she can handle another dress right now.”

“Oh no, it’s for Medvedeva-san herself!” the woman said. “She’s wearing it to the ball tonight.”

Yuzu frowned slightly. “The...ball?”

“The Governor’s Ball, of course. She was specially invited after her recent success.”

“ _Sou desu ka_ ,” Yuzu nodded slowly. “I’ll take the dress. Thank you so much.”

Yuzu’s thoughts swirled as he walked down the hallway, carrying the dress. Zhenya hadn’t mentioned a ball. Actually, she hadn’t mentioned much of anything. He looked down at the dress, through the clear plastic. So Zhenya was going to a ball, dressed in this, was she? He held it out in front of him, examining it more closely, trying to imagine how she would look in it. And then suddenly his eyes widened and he broke into a run. The next moment, he was bursting into the office, just in time to see the seamstress about to take a pair of scissors to the gown on the table.

“Wait!” he yelled.

The two women looked up in shock at his outburst.

“Don’t touch that dress,” he said, trying to catch his breath. “I have another one.”

“What are you saying?” Zhenya shook her head, bewildered. “That’s my dress. And it cost $500, max.”

“But it’s dark blue,” Yuzu pointed out. “Isn’t that what the client wants?”

“No, the client wants a custom-made gown,” Zhenya frowned. “I bought that one from a department store.”

“No one will be able to tell that by the time you’re done with it,” Yuzu said, coming around to the table. He set the dress down, turning Zhenya around by her shoulders towards him. “You know you don’t want to ruin that gown,” he said softly. “I looked--it’s the same size. It could work.”

Zhenya stared up at him, her eyes searching his, but Yuzu could already feel her shoulders rising and falling more rapidly under his grip. Suddenly she tore her eyes away, looking back at the seamstress, who was watching them rather curiously.

“I’ll call you back in a little while, Nakamura-san,” she said. “I’ve got a dress to sketch.”

\---

“Take a break for a minute,” Yuzu said as he came back into her office. Zhenya was hovering around the dress form, the gown already transforming into something completely different after only an hour. Billowy layers had been added to the skirt for fullness, and now Zhenya was placing lace and crystal embellishments on the top. It was a painstaking process, one that could take hours, but Yuzu knew it was this dedication that would take the gown from something average to something spectacular.

“I don’t have time for a break,” Zhenya muttered through the pins she held in her mouth, only briefly glancing over her shoulder as he walked back into her office.

“You will when you see what I have,” Yuzu grinned.

It was enough to make her turn around, and then look down at the bags in his hands. “What’s that?” she asked, sticking the pins in her cushion.

“Lunch,” he said, proudly setting it down on the desk and waving his hands over it with a flourish.

She looked back up at him quickly, unimpressed with the display. “Let me guess. Sushi.”

“Why do you think it’s sushi?” Yuzu smiled, walking over to her.

She paused. “You’d always used to get that for me when I’d have a hard day.”

“So do you remember some things,” Yuzu said quietly, taking another step closer to her.

She looked away, a little rattled. “Sushi’s not quite so special anymore. I can get it anytime I want here,” she rushed through her words.

“I know,” Yuzu chuckled. “That’s why it’s not sushi.”

Her eyebrows raised as she met his eyes again. “It’s not?”

“Put the pincushion down and I’ll show you,” Yuzu grinned, grabbing her hand and pulling her over to the desk.

She frowned and withdrew her hand, reaching inside the bag and pulling out the container. “Is this... poutine?” she suddenly exclaimed, and Yuzu grinned at her undisguised delight. “Where in the world did you find poutine?”

“It’s not quite the same, but it’ll do.”

Zhenya took a bite of the gravy-smothered cheese fries. “I haven’t had this in forever,” she said, and when she looked up at him her eyes were shining. “You’re just trying to make me miss Canada.”

“So what if I am?” Yuzu said, taking a bite himself. “Come on. Sit down and eat.”

“Just for a minute,” Zhenya complied.

Soon the two of them were seated on the floor of the office, devouring the food together as Zhenya spread out her sketches for Yuzu, describing her remaining plans for the dress.

“I can’t believe it, but I think it’s going to actually work,” she said, leaning back against the wall next to him after they’d finished eating. She looked up and sighed, admiring the dress form across the room.

“It already looks like a million dollars, and you’re not even done yet,” Yuzu nodded, following her gaze. “What a great idea I had.” And then he turned and winked at her.

This time, she didn’t scold him. Instead, she gave him a soft smile, the kind of smile that invariably turned his stomach over. “You saved me today, you know that?”

And then she spoke in English again.

“You’re the best, Yuzu,” she whispered. And then, she slowly closed her eyes, just like she had on the ice earlier that morning.

Yuzu caught his breath. Did she want…? No, she couldn’t possibly. He waited, trying not to stare at the shimmer of her eyeshadow or the dewy softness of her mouth. But her eyes stayed closed. A nervous shiver passed through him as he felt himself slowly leaning forward, closer to her face, his heart pumping with their increasing nearness.

But it was then that he heard the pace of her breathing. He drew back, smiling at himself. She was asleep. He watched her for a second, allowing himself to admire the beauty in front of him. She was stunning, even when she was sleeping, he mused. But how tired must she have been to fall into such a deep slumber so quickly? As amazing as her work was, she was killing herself at this job, wasn’t she? Long hours and disgruntled, demanding clients--what kind of a life was she living? And then he looked back up at the gown. He wasn’t about to wake her up now.

\---

“Yuzu, what the heck?” Zhenya burst out, still in English.

Yuzu turned around, grinning. “You don’t like it?”

“Like...what? Yuzu--how long did I--how could you let me--wait… what did you do?” Zhenya scrambled to her feet as Japanese words now tumbled out instead.

And then she halted in place. “Yuzu…” she breathed. But her eyes weren't on him. She was looking at the dress. The embellishments were finished.

“I tried to follow your sketches,” Yuzu said.

“It’s better than my sketches,” she whispered in wonder, coming forward and running her fingers along the delicate pattern of the jewels. “How did you do this?”

“Magic,” he said.

She gave him a look.

“I used to mess with my costumes, too, you know.”

She shook her head, looking back at the gown.

“It’s amazing,” she said.

“You’re amazing,” Yuzu said, looking only at her. And then his stomach dropped. What had he just said? How could he have been so careless? And then he prayed she wouldn't remember.

But Zhenya’s body had instantly stiffened, and now she was turning sharply away from him, looking around the room. “I have to go,” she said, her voice rigid.

Yuzu closed his eyes as he clenched his jaw, mentally kicking himself. She remembered.

“Zhenya--”

She whirled around again. “I had no idea how late it was.” Her Japanese was fast and staccato-like again. She spoke quickly, grabbing her phone from the table and starting to type a message. “Thanks for everything today, Yuzu,” she said, never looking up from the screen. “Sorry to rush off again. I really do have someplace I need to be right now.” She dashed to the door before he had a chance to respond. “Nakamura-san? Are you there?”

Before he knew it she was prattling off last minute instructions to the seamstress, Yuzu stared at her, at a loss of what to do as she hurriedly began rushing around the office, gathering up her scattered things. She was almost out the door when Yuzu finally caught her arm.

“Zhenya, wait.” How many times were they going to repeat this scene?

She looked up at him, and when their eyes met, she sucked in a sharp little breath, taking him back to that moment in the subway. Just like then, he wanted to pull her into his arms and never let her go. But she had a ball to get to. And they weren’t alone in this room, either. _Calm down, Yuzu_ , he reminded himself once again. She might be leaving for the ball, but she wasn’t leaving his life this time. Even if the date hadn’t gone how he’d planned, they’d accomplished his goal for today. They’d spent the day together, remembering the past, enjoying the present. And now the door was open to a future. It was just the first day. There would be time for everything else. He just had to take it slow. He cleared his throat.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

And then he handed her the light blue gown. She needed something to wear to the ball now, didn’t she?.

“Right,” she said quietly, lowering her eyes.

Zhenya glanced over at the seamstress. “Well, then,” she said.

Yuzu looked at her. She really was waiting for something… but for what? And then suddenly, without warning, she turned her face up to his, and then lightly, quickly touched her lips to his cheek.

“Merry Christmas, Yuzu,” she whispered.

And then, she was out the door, leaving Yuzu with his feet glued to the ground, his stunned expression still frozen on his face. Zhenya...had kissed him. On the cheek… but a kiss no less. And she’d done it on her own. Slowly the shock was replaced with another feeling--a warm, giddy, hopeful feeling, filling up his insides and making him grin like an idiot. This was a good first day. This was a very good first day.


	10. Go After Her

“Hey!”

Yuzu’s head whipped around towards Shoma’s voice, startled.

“Look who’s falling asleep now,” Shoma said, throwing a pillow at him. “Are you going to pick your character or not?”

Yuzu stared ahead at the TV screen, and then down at the controller in his hand. Where had his brain been? Oh, yeah. The same place it’d been all afternoon. He reached up to the side of his face, his fingers touching the place where Zhenya’s lips had brushed his skin. He bit his lip again, smiling. Why did something so small make him feel like this?

“You’re a mess,” Shoma rolled his eyes.

Yuzu’s eyes darted back to the younger man. “I am not a mess.”

“You’re a mess,” Shoma repeated decisively. “You’re daydreaming like a teenager.”

Well, he did kind of feel like a teenager. After all, that was the last time he’d had enough time to think about a girl like this. Somehow it did feel like a dream, the way everything was working out, after all the time they’d lost. The one girl he’d always wanted was coming back to him. After all the darkness and emptiness, it was finally looking bright. This feeling--he couldn't describe it--except maybe it was something like when he was floating in the bubble in Super Mario, the sunny landscape effortlessly passing by beneath him. It was a warm, happy bubble--a weightless bubble where nothing could touch him, where time didn't matter. It seemed too good to be true.

Suddenly his phone rang, pulling him back into reality. His heart jumped in anticipation. Was it her?

Shoma tossed his controller aside, laughing. “I’ll come back when you’re done talking to your girl.”

“It’s not her,” Yuzu shook his head, looking at the phone. “I don’t know the number. Should I answer it?”

Shoma’s eyebrows raised. “She could have changed her number. Answer it. And put it on speaker.”

Yuzu warily swiped to answer. But before he even had a chance to say hello, he was holding the phone away from him at the sound.

“ _Baka!_ You stood Zhenya up on a date?”

It only took a second for him to recognize the voice.

“Wakaba-chan…? Wait, how do you know about the date with Zhenya?”

“Because I was the one who set you up with her, _baka_!” she yelled. “And now you’ve ruined it!”

“Calm down, will you?” Yuzu almost laughed, looking over at Shoma. “I did go out with her. She just doesn't know I was the blind date. Not yet. I’ll tell her eventually, though. Another time.”

“There won’t be another time! Ugh, this is a disaster,” Wakaba wailed over the phone. “Do you know what you’ve done? That was your one chance!”

Suddenly Yuzu felt something strange in his stomach. _There won’t be another time?_ What was she saying? Her voice sounded muffled, and the bubble he’d been floating in was getting smaller, compressing in shape around him. When he spoke, his voice cracked. “What do you mean… my one chance?”

He could hear Wakaba taking a deep breath, but her pause was too long. Something was wrong. “Tell me!” Yuzu bellowed, and somewhere next to him Shoma cowered into the corner of the couch.

“She said… if things didn’t work out today…she said...” Wakaba hesitated.

Yuzu stood up in exasperation. “What did she say?”

“That she’s going to accept Kentaro-san’s proposal tonight.”

Yuzu felt his face turn hot. And then his body went cold. The bubble had burst, and now he was crashing back down to earth. _Proposal… Kentaro… tonight._ The words felt heavy inside his brain as his pulse throbbed. “What do you mean?” he finally got out. “That guy... wasn't he just a one-time date, like me?"

“No, Yuzu. They’ve been dating for months.”

And now he felt like throwing up. Yuzu sank into the couch, his legs turning to mush under him. Dating for months? So she really was in love with someone else. He never had a chance. Everything today--that was just his imagination.

And then he stopped.

"Wait. If she's in love with him, why did she agree to a blind date?"

"Because she's _not_ in love with him. She won't admit it, but she isn't. She just thinks this is the smart thing to do. But she doesn't deserve to settle like this. That's why I made her promise to go out just one more time with someone else--with you. It was just one last try."

 _One last try._ That sounded… familiar. Horribly familiar. Yuzu’s head reeled. All this time he’d thought he was doing the right thing--taking things slow, waiting for the right moment--but it was all wrong. He thought he had all the time in the world, but he didn’t have any at all. And then he remembered the kiss on the cheek. _Merry Christmas,_ she’d said. Why hadn't it occurred to him that that was goodbye? A _sayonara_ kind of goodbye?

“What do I do?” he said more than asked.

And then someone else replied, firmly and resolutely. “You go after her.”

Yuzu eyes darted to Shoma. “What?”

Shoma rose to his feet and crossed his arms seriously. “Do you love her or don’t you?”

“Who’s that?” Wakaba interjected from the phone. “Is that Shoma-kun? Are you with Shoma?”

“I love her,” Yuzu said, barely hearing her. “You know that.”

“Then you have to stop her,” Shoma said decisively, and Yuzu stared at him, appalled, as he suddenly strode over to Yuzu and grabbed the phone out of his hand. “Wakaba, do you know where the ball is?”

“It’s the Governor’s Ball. It’s probably at the residence,” Wakaba spoke fast. “But for sure it’s a private event. There’s no way he can get in without an invitation.”

“That’s not a problem,” Shoma said quickly. “If I can hack into a hockey rink light system, I can definitely hack into a stupid guest list. He’s going to that ball, one way or the other. ”

“Wait a minute, guys,” Yuzu interjected as they decided his life around him. “What am I going to wear? I can’t go to a ball like this.” He motioned to his casual clothing.

“Are you seriously going to let the love of your life marry someone else because you don’t have anything to wear?” Shoma scoffed.

“Yuzu’s right. It’s black tie. If he’s going to sweep her off her feet, he has to do it right,” Wakaba suddenly said. “But don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything. Just get ready. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Shoma, send me your address. And get to work on that guest list. We don’t have much time.”

It seemed like only minutes later that Wakaba was bursting through the front door of the flat, carrying a garment bag.

“Here,” she said, shoving it at Yuzu.

Yuzu looked at it skeptically. “That was fast. Is it even the right size?”

“It’s from Satomi-san. She still had your measurements. Unless they’ve changed.”

“Of course they haven’t changed,” Yuzu scowled, unzipping the bag. And then he nearly choked. “It’s white?”

“Satomi-san picked it herself. Besides, it’s not like you haven’t worn white pants before,” Wakaba smirked.

Yuzu glared at her. “It’s different wearing something like this in real life.”

“Just hurry up,” she ignored his protest, pushing him toward the bathroom.

Looking in the mirror, Yuzu took a deep breath. Was this really going to work?

“Stop using all my hairspray!” Shoma yelled into the bathroom a little while later. “What’s taking you so long?”

“I’m done, okay?” Yuzu hollered from inside, and then he finally opened the door, dressed in the white tuxedo.

“What?” he asked, feeling his face getting warmer again as his two friends stared at him. Wakaba’s mouth had fallen open, and Shoma was grinning like a clown.

“Don’t look so nervous,” Shoma said, reaching forward and dragging him out into the hallway.

Yuzu turned around towards the hall mirror. And then he looked in the reflection back at Wakaba. “Be honest. Is it okay?”

Wakaba finally picked her jaw up off the floor. “It’s very okay,” she said. “If this doesn’t convince her to dump that boring lawyer dude, then nothing will.”

Yuzu shook his head, letting out a long breath. “Am I really supposed to march right in there and tell her how I feel?”

“Yes,” Wakaba said, reaching up and straightening his bowtie in a motherly sort of way.

“But how? I can’t just say it. Shouldn't I have some sort of a plan?”

“There’s no time for a plan," Wakaba shook her head. "It's the only way.”

Was it the only way? Then why did he have such an uneasy feeling in his stomach? Why did it feel like… _that?_ It shouldn’t happen like this, rushed and out of nowhere. That’s how it’d been before. That’s what had separated them for all these years. Wouldn’t it be the same now? And he’d always needed a plan. For everything he'd ever done. And now, he was facing one of the biggest moments of his life without a plan? He breathed in, his chest feeling tight. If only there was more time. If only there was a bit of peace and quiet so he could think--but Shoma and Wakaba were yelling at each other, stuffing him into a coat, gathering up his phone, his keys, pushing him out the door.

The trip to the venue passed by like a blur, the buildings outside the car window merging into one like the flags on the wall of the rink did when he was skating too fast. If he didn't slow down, he'd wipe out. He had to slow down. But nothing was slow anymore.

And then they were pulling up outside the entrance of the venue.

“See? I told you the tuxedo was a good idea,” Wakaba said smugly from the driver’s seat as women in long evening gowns and men wearing tails passed by the car. “Shoma, please tell me you’re done?”

“Just about. This isn't easy, you know. Security here is a lot tighter than at a hockey rink, apparently,” Shoma said, furiously typing away at his laptop next to Yuzu in the back seat. A few seconds later, he looked up triumphantly. “All right, you're in. All you have to do is say you lost your invitation and give them your name. Lucky for you, they're not going to question who you are.”

Yuzu nodded, but he still felt like throwing up.

“Okay, then. Guest list, check. Fancy suit, check. Perfect hairstyle--” Wakaba turned around and swiped her hand over Yuzu's stubborn pieces sticking up. “Check. That's it. Everything’s all arranged.”

Yuzu stared at her, then glanced to Shoma. _Everything’s all arranged._

“It’s up to you now, senpai. Go in there and get your girl.”

Yuzu crawled out of the car and stood facing the governor’s residence sprawling out so far in either direction he couldn't see where it ended. Somewhere inside was Zhenya, dressed in that amazing blue dress, in all likelihood dancing with the man who wanted to marry her. Jealousy should have burned inside of him with a strength enough to propel him into the ballroom and whisk her away. But instead he just stood here, the cold starting to bite through the woolen fabric of his coat. He needed to think. The cold always helped him think.

“What the heck are you waiting for?” Shoma yelled out the window. Yuzu didn't even have to look behind him to imagine Wakaba’s impatient face, too.

And then suddenly it hit him. As grateful as he was to them for getting him this far, they were the very reason something didn't feel right. It was because they’d arranged everything for him. Hadn't he wanted to do this himself? Hadn’t he wanted her to come to him on her own? Yuzu looked up at the building, its silhouetted shape rising above him in the starless night sky. And then he sucked in a breath of the cold air. There was still a way. Another way. She would come to him, if it was magical enough. He could convince her, if she saw the truth. There was a risk--a huge risk--but it was worth a shot.

Yuzu turned around.

“Shoma, I have a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I'm back with another post, and I know this one took a while in coming... in hindsight, this actually *should* have been at the end of the last chapter. But the good news is that the next chapter is almost completely finished, so I hope to have that up by tomorrow. So I hope you enjoy this little chapter in the meantime that sets us up for the ball scene, which I'm sure you all knew was coming soon! Just a few more chapters left in this story, although I am kind of maybe considering some bonus chapters after the conclusion, we'll see. :)


	11. So Close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, there's a song that goes with this fic (it's basically the inspiration behind the whole thing, I always have one of those it seems). So when you get to the part where there's a link please pretty please listen while reading :) I know that's hard to do on mobile but I'm praying some people read on a PC. This scene is just aughhh for me (that is, many different emotions lol), and I wanted to have been able to write it exactly the way it looks in my head, but that is so hard to do sometimes and even harder to know if the emotions reach the audience--but the music helps.

**Zhenya**

“Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?”

Zhenya did her best to fix her eyes on Kentaro as they glided across the ballroom floor. Warm lights from the opulent chandeliers above them reflected in his eyes as he gazed down at her, smiling.

“Ah… yes, you did. Thank you,” she murmured. Throughout their relationship, Kentaro hadn’t often complimented her looks, she mused, but tonight had been different--much different. Was it because of this dress? Or was it because of _that_?  

Kentaro let out a little laugh. “So I’m repeating myself. But I can’t help it. It’s just that… the color is perfect on you,” he whispered, leaning his head down closer to hers, giving her white-gloved hand a squeeze.

Her cheeks suddenly flushed. _The color is…_ She looked down at the icy blue shades of the dress, a different voice echoing through her head. Why was she hearing that voice right now? She bit her lip. It was because she had heard it all day. Why today of all days, had that happened? Why had he shown up now, after all this time? Why was his voice the one in her head when it should have only been Kentaro’s?

She looked away, trying to concentrate on something else, anything other than...Yuzuru Hanyu. Today she’d said goodbye to him. It had been a rushed goodbye, but even that was probably for the best--had she had more time, it might have been too hard to-- _No._ That chapter had ended, finally. Now she could look back on their friendship with fond memories instead of heartache like before. That’s why today had happened, right? So she could move on with Kentaro with no regrets. Everything was lining up the way it was supposed to, she told herself, even down to that silly blind date turning out to be nothing. Kentaro had been kind and attentive all evening, introducing her to successful businessmen and politicians and their wives--potential clients, she dared to hope. And to top it all off, she was wearing this dress, the dress of her dreams, one that she never had imagined to be wearing herself.

She wouldn't have been, if it hadn’t been for Yuzu. A little flutter went through her heart, and she forced her eyes shut. _Stop thinking. Stop remembering_ , she told herself.

When she re-opened her eyes, a kaleidoscope of colors met her vision, dresses and ball gowns swirling around her in an overwhelming sea of fabrics, jewels and materials. Just then Kentaro twirled her around, and the scene blended together--just like it had when she’d been doing that scratch spin on the ice. A dizzy wave passed over her again, the kind that made her feel sick. What was happening? Why couldn’t she focus on anything? Everything was moving too fast. Why couldn’t everything be… slow now? Suddenly she felt a sharp pain in her chest, and something throbbed inside of her--an irrational, desperate wish that when the room stopped moving, it would be Yuzu steadying her in his arms, whispering her name.

“Are you feeling all right, darling? You look pale all of a sudden.”

“I think--I just need a drink of water,” Zhenya responded, trying to shake away the strange feeling.

Kentaro guided her off the ballroom floor. “Will you be fine here for a moment? I’ll go find some water. There’s only champagne here.”

“I’ll be fine,” Zhenya said as he nodded and hurried out of the room.

She was fine--she was just tired, overworked, overwhelmed with everything that had happened. She was fine. She took a deep breath, looking up, away from the dance floor, and instead her eyes were drawn to the wide marble staircase leading to the ballroom entrance. For some reason, the top of the stairs was abuzz, a group of people huddled together, reminiscent of bees swarming honey.

And then she blinked in disbelief. This wasn’t real. This was impossible. He couldn’t just magically appear like this, not twice in one day. Maybe this was a dream. Maybe the whole day had been a dream. She reached for her own hand, giving it a squeeze. No, this was real. Yuzuru Hanyu was really here. And he was really wearing a white tuxedo, like the Prince Charming he’d been imitating all day. She suddenly realized she was gawking a little, and then she mentally slapped herself. _You have no right to do that now, Zhenya. Ignore him._

But she couldn’t ignore him, not when he looked like that. Apparently no one else could either, and he collected stares from across the room as guests parted like the Red Sea around him to allow him to slowly make his way down the staircase. He had that aura about him tonight, the same aura he had when he would take the ice, commanding the world’s attention. It was natural there, where he was the undisputed king, and everyone else around him was fighting to reach his level. But here, surrounded by the creme de la creme of Tokyo, he should have just blended in, no more important, no more wealthy, no more accomplished than any of these other guests. But Yuzuru Hanyu didn’t blend in. He didn’t blend in at all.

And she wasn’t fine at all.

But she had to be fine. She couldn’t get sucked in again, after all of that. Things were different now. She was different now. The chapter had ended, the book had closed--he couldn’t open it again. But he was at the bottom of the stairs now, and she saw his eyes drifting over the room, looking for something, someone. Panic pinched at her stomach. Whoever it was, she didn’t have time to find out--she just had to prevent him from seeing her this time. She turned away quickly, spying a conveniently placed Christmas tree near her. Without another thought, she slipped around to the other side of the tree, out of sight.

“Did you think you could hide from anyone wearing that dress?”

Her heart dropped for the twentieth time today. Why did he always find her? Why did he always do this to her? This wasn’t supposed to be happening. She looked up at him, and those eyes that had been searching the room just now were searching hers, warm and gentle and soft, inducing some sort of magnetic pull that compelled her body closer to his. But she resisted. She had to resist. She swallowed, tilting her chin up.

“What are you doing here, Yuzu?” she asked, but her voice was not as strong as she intended. She hoped he wouldn’t notice.

Now was when he would come back with something fun, or ignore her question altogether. She would deflect, and then he would tease, and maybe she could survive on a few more phrases of witty banter until Kentaro came back. But he didn’t respond, and finally his silence lifted her eyes upward. And then her heartbeat quickened again. His face was serious, his eyes looking into hers with an intensity she had forgotten they could have. He wasn’t going to banter with her at all, was he? Why _was_ he here?

But instead of answering her question, he reached down and took her gloved hand in his. Immediately his eyes sparked, and flustered, she withdrew her hand quickly. He didn’t seem to care, stepping closer to her, so close he brushed against the full skirt of her dress. Something warm rushed through her, but she fought it with everything in her. She forced some words out instead, looking away.

“Of course. You know the governor,” she said as lightly as possible.

But Yuzu’s tone didn’t match hers. “I’m not here for the governor, Zhenya,” he said. Her eyes came back to his. What was it, then?

“I’m here for you.”

Zhenya’s mouth went dry. “What?”

“Wakaba told me everything.”

 _Wakaba._ So that’s what he meant. Zhenya drew back, suddenly picturing them shaking their heads, pitying her, scorning her for her decisions. Her cheeks burned, her skin starting to crawl with embarrassment. She looked up at him, her eyes flashing. “So you’re here to stop me. Well, you can’t.”

“Can’t I?”

“I know you think I’m stupid, just like she does,” she said sharply, her temper flaring for a reason she couldn’t quite place. He frowned, but she hardly noticed. “But arranged marriages are part of _your_ culture. You should know just as well as I do that they work--it’s a fact. I’m just being practical.”

“Practical?” Yuzu laughed, but it sounded weirdly hollow. “I’m supposed to be the practical one, not you. This isn’t you, Zhenya.”

Zhenya scoffed. “How do you know who I am? You’ve been gone. You don’t know me anymore. I’m different now.” She blinked quickly at how bitter the words sounded.

“You’re right. You are different. The Zhenya I knew--she was strong and reckless and crazy. She took me on adventures, showed me how to take risks and break the rules and face my fears. And nothing about the way she loved was...practical.”

She stared at him. _Nothing about the way I loved you._

Something was welling up inside of her, something she couldn’t control. Did she feel like...crying? She couldn’t possibly. She didn’t cry. Not anymore. “That was a Zhenya from a long time ago,” she said softly.

“Was it? I thought I was with her in the subway today.”

A shockwave hit her with his words, making her legs feel suddenly weak, but he caught her in his arms, exactly the way she’d been wishing before. Their eyes locked, a long, indescribable moment passing between them.

“Dance with me, Zhenya.”

Dance… with him? She stared at him, trying to understand his request. But nearly instantly she gave up--and all she could think about was wonderful his arms felt around her, how beautiful his eyes shone in the Christmas lights like this, how perfect he looked in that white suit. If only Yuzuru Hanyu didn’t look like this, he would be easier to ignore. If only he didn’t sound like this, he would be easier to resist. If only she hadn’t loved him so much, he would be easier to forget.

“Dance with me,” he repeated quietly, earnestly. “Like we used to.”

Suddenly she found herself flashing back to all those nights in all those cities--the time they did that hip hop dance in Philadelphia, the time they learned that silly polka in Munich, and the time they danced that slow dance in Helsinki. There were too many memories, too many feelings to forget.

“You remember, don’t you?” he whispered. She looked up at him, nodding. She remembered everything. The next thing she knew, she was following him, pushed forward by a force outside herself. Through the ballroom doors he led her, into a wide, empty corridor. She looked up at him, wondering what they were doing here--and he looked down at her, and smiled.

“Come on,” he said. And then she was gathering up that huge dress beneath her, running with him through the halls. They must have looked ridiculous, racing through the governor’s residence like this, dressed in couture evening wear, laughing like a couple of kids. It was irresponsible to leave the ball like this, to leave Kentaro wondering where she was. It was crazy, it was stupid, but she just wanted to feel like this one last time, with him, before she had to wake up from this dream. Just one last dance, and she’d tell him.

She was warm and nearly breathless by the time he pulled her through the door to the outside, the cold night air feeling refreshing for the moment against her bare shoulders. From the lights dimly lining the walkway she could see they were in the garden, and there, a few steps away was a courtyard--their dance floor, no doubt.

“What are you doing?” she asked as she noticed he’d paused beside her. He was on his phone again, turned away from her, like he had on the ice that morning.

“Can’t dance without music,” he said, and she smiled softly. She extended her hand, palm up, waiting for the earphone.

But instead he placed his hand in hers, leading her to the courtyard, and then his other hand slipped around her waist, sliding all the way around to her back. At his touch, a million shivers went up her spine, and at the sensation of their bodies coming together, a warm blush rose in her cheeks. Like it used to.

And then, out of nowhere, she heard the music start. ([So Close](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DES1GLLVBLw)[ by Jon McLaughlin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DES1GLLVBLw), right-click and open in new tab) She looked around, but wherever the speakers were, they had been disguised in the landscaping of the garden, and all that was there was the crystal clear sound of the notes, growing in volume until it surrounded them, enveloping them from every side.

“How did you…” she started.

“Magic,” he whispered. How her hand found its way to his shoulder, she didn’t even know. All she knew was that now they were dancing. Slowly and softly, he swayed her, their steps in perfect sync, and for a fleeting moment, here in the darkness, there was no one else in the world.

 _You're in my arms and all the world is calm_  
_The music playing on for only two_  
_So close together and when I'm with you_ _  
So close to feeling alive_

And then he spun her, her dress whirling around her in soft waves of rustling fabric. A gust of cold air swept around her. This feeling--it was just like being on the ice. It had been so long since she’d felt this. It’d been so long since she felt… alive.

 _A life goes by_  
_Romantic dreams must die_  
_So I bid mine goodbye_ _  
And never knew_

What were these words, and why did they make her her heart hurt so much?

 _So close, was waiting_  
_Waiting here with you_  
_And now, forever, I know_  
_All that I wanted_ _  
To hold you so close_

Zhenya stared at Yuzu. These words. They weren’t just any words. They were in English, but he understood them, didn’t he? Did he know--could he mean…?

 _So close to reaching that famous happy end_  
_Almost believing this one's not pretend_  
_And now you're beside me and look how far we've come_ _  
So far we are, so close_

And then, as if by magic, a tree lit up beside them, sparkling with the twinkle of Christmas lights. And then another and another, as he turned her and swirled her out of the courtyard and down the walkway, more and more lights illuminating the garden with shimmering clusters of bokeh as the music swelled and spread. Then it was the fountain, then it was the bridge, and she gasped in awe as soon the entire garden was aglow around them, wrapping the two of them in a warm, hazy blanket of soft light. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

“ _This_ is what I would do,” Yuzu whispered, and she stared at him as he pulled her closer. But why...why was he doing something like this? There was only one answer, but she couldn’t think about it, because if she did, maybe this would end. She only wanted to pretend, just for a moment, that she was a princess in a fairytale, Cinderella on the night of the ball, dancing with the prince, the magic of the night casting its spell over them. It was a dream, an amazing dream, and she never wanted to wake up.

 _Oh how could I face the faceless days_ _  
_ _If I should lose you now_

Everything around them was shining, an enchanting, dazzling display of golden lights, but Zhenya couldn’t look at the lights anymore. The only thing she could look at was Yuzu, his eyes holding hers with a power that was beyond anything she could resist. With the lights like this, and the music like this, it was just like they were, back then, so long ago. They still didn’t need words. She knew what exactly what he felt.

 _We're so close to reaching that famous happy end_  
_Almost believing this one's not pretend_  
_Let's go on dreaming for we know we are_  
_So close, so close_ _  
And still so far_

The music faded, dissolving into the night air around them, and she felt Yuzu slowly, reluctantly bringing them to a stop at the top of the bridge. It wasn’t until his long fingers met her skin that she felt the wetness of the tears that had escaped her eyes.

“Your music sucks,” she said.

“Does it?” he asked softly.

“It’s always sucked.”

“If only I’d known before,” he whispered.

He brought his forehead to hers, and her eyelids felt heavy as his hand caressed her cheek with a gentleness she had never known.  

It took her a second to register what he was doing before she pulled away. “Yuzu…”

“Zhenya.”

The way he said her name made her catch her breath, her heart thumping wildly. She knew what was coming. He was going to say it. But he couldn’t--not now.

“Don’t say it, Yuzu. It’ll hurt too much. Let’s just forget.”

“I can’t forget. I won’t ever forget.”

It was the cold air, right? That’s why it was so hard to breathe, right? She turned her back to him, conscious of the heat in her cheeks, unable to look him in the eyes anymore.

“Give me one good reason why you should marry that guy.” His voice was almost challenging behind her.

“I told you. Statistics. We're a good match.”

“So that's it? You'll agree to marry someone because of statistics?

She whirled around, but all the emotion charging through her dissipated as soon as she saw his face.  “At least he won't hurt me,” she whispered. Another errant tear spilled over. She reached up to wipe it away, but before she could, Yuzu was cradling her face in his palm, his thumb brushing over her cheekbone.

“I never meant to hurt you, Zhenya. I was scared. I thought you didn't want me. But it was just--it was all a misunderstanding. We can go back--”

She turned her body away, cutting his words off. “You know we can’t go back, Yuzu. It’s too late.”

The next instant, he had taken her by the shoulders, turning her back toward him. “I know we can’t get back the years we lost. And I know it’ll take years to make up for the hurt I caused. But I also know, for sure…that it’s not too late for us.”

“It is!” Zhenya cried out brokenly, backing away. She reached down for her own hand, but to her surprise, Yuzu grabbed it first.

“You mean because of this?” he asked. In one swift motion, he pulled her long white glove, sliding it all the way off her hand, exposing her bare skin, the lights from all around them catching the sparkle of the diamond on her finger.

She stared at him incredulously, her stomach flipping inside out. “You knew? And you did this anyway?”

He squared his shoulders, and in the glimmer of the lights, she could see his dark brown eyes penetrating deep into hers.

“So did you.”

As soon as he said it, her heart seemed to stop beating, her body stiffening. She had. She’d come, regardless of the fact that she was already engaged, regardless of the things that had happened between them. Why? Why had she done it? She didn’t even know. Was it because she still…

And then, the lights went out.

_So close and still so far._

“Damn you, Shoma!” Yuzu yelled at the dark sky.

A small smile crossed her lips. “So it wasn’t really magic,” she said quietly.

His shoulders dropped. “Zhenya--” he said, but the sound of her name died in his throat this time. She knew he was trying to think of the words to stop her. But the spell was broken. The dream was over. It was time to wake up.

“This was beautiful, Yuzu. Today was wonderful. And I’ll never forget the friendship we had.” She was looking away, trying to focus on the dim pathway lights beyond them so she wouldn’t have to look at Yuzu’s face, so she wouldn’t have to see what effect her words had on him. “I wish--I wish we could go back. But that was the past. We’re too old for magic and fairy tales now.”

“You don’t really believe that,” he said, shaking his head. “You want to believe in happy endings. I saw you looking for the pink light in Sendai.”

Her cheeks flushed momentarily. But then she lifted her chin, meeting his eyes resolutely. “I’m sorry, Yuzu.”

Yuzu’s mouth opened quickly as if he was going to say something, but then he closed it again. His chest rose and fell, and then he looked to the ground. “ _Sou ka_ ,” he whispered, and with it she sensed his acceptance.

The bottom of her skirt moved just slightly as he walked past her, and the ache that filled her was almost too much to bear. That was the last time she’d feel his touch, wasn’t it? She closed her eyes. If she watched him go, she might call him back. But she couldn’t. It was too late. Seconds ticked by as she counted how long it would take him to be out of her sight. And then she heard it.

_Click._

Zhenya’s eyes flew open. And then, all at once, the lights came on, washing the garden in gold again. She caught her breath, awestruck at the sight, and then her eyes fell on Yuzu once more. He was standing at the end of the bridge, looking at her, and in the glow of the lights that white suit made him look something like an angel. She knew she should look away. But then, he smiled. There was no way she could look away now.  

“Did I tell you how beautiful you looked tonight?” he called to her.

She exhaled. And then she shook her head, her lips parting but no words coming out.

“You know, I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that you were going to a wear a dress from a department store.”

She blinked. And then her eyes widened. _What?_

He was turning around again, walking down the pathway, back to the courtyard, back to the house, and as she watched him leave, something started to burn inside of her, smouldering at first and then igniting, spreading throughout her body like the lights had spread through the garden, until it was something she couldn’t control any longer.

“Yuzu, wait!”

He stopped right there in the middle of the garden, and the longest moment she’d ever felt passed as he stood there with his back to her. And then, slowly, he turned his head, and his eyes met hers as he looked up to where she stood at the top of the bridge, clinging to the railing.

“I will,” she barely heard him say.

And then, he was gone.


	12. Magic

“Did it work?”

Yuzu slid into the back seat, wheezing a bit. Had he really just left her when she had told him to wait? What if _that_ was his last chance? No. This was the way it had to be.

“Maybe,” he finally said, glancing over at Shoma, who was shaking his head in disbelief.

“You’re crazy,” Shoma said. “What if she doesn’t get it?”

“She might not,” he said. “I’m just praying she hasn’t changed as much as she thinks she has.” He looked warily up to Wakaba’s eyes in the rearview mirror. She stared him down for a moment, and then her eyes relaxed.

“She’s always been your biggest fan,” she said. “She always hated when I said that. But it was true. She always saw your hidden meanings, even when no one else did.”

“It wasn’t because she was my biggest fan,” Yuzu shook his head. “It was because she was my best friend.” He turned and looked out the window absently. “She still is… somewhere in there.”

A few minutes later, they were pulling up outside the station for the bullet train. “You sure you don’t want to stay another night?” Shoma asked.

Yuzu shook his head. “If she’s changed her mind, she’ll come tonight. She makes up her mind quickly. That couldn’t have changed.”

“It hasn’t,” Wakaba grinned. “You _do_ know her. But it’ll be late by the time you get to Sendai. She might think it’s...too late--”

“She’ll come,” Yuzu interrupted. “If she doesn’t, then I have my answer.”

\---

Yuzu pulled his scarf down from his mouth, taking a sip of the hot chocolate he’d ordered at the sidewalk stall. The warm liquid felt good going down his throat, but he was too preoccupied to pay attention to its taste. His eyes were fixed ahead. From his seat on the cold metal bench, the lights provided enough illumination for him to see the entire Jozenji-Dori boulevard clearly. At least it did--until it started to snow. It was light flakes at first, but soon the frozen, star-shaped crystals were descending rapidly around him. The snowflakes that had first dissolved when they landed on his coat were now sticking. Yuzu squinted to see down the pathway. It wasn’t long, but with the snow falling--would he miss her if she came?

Just then, a taxi pulled up to the median, and Yuzu caught his breath, leaning forward in anticipation. Was it… could it be? The door opened--but it was a couple, here to see the lights. He looked away, disappointed. More time ticked by. Yuzu glanced at the street post clock, his phone dead long ago. It was almost 11 now. Not many people would be coming this late to the Pageant of Starlight. Finally, he saw another taxi stopping, but it was a couple hundred meters away, and the snow was thick in the air now, obscuring his vision. With barely a thought, Yuzu found himself getting up from his seat, walking briskly towards the taxi to get a better view. But then the passenger stepped out of the back seat. It was just an older gentleman.

Yuzu felt a strange twinge in his stomach as he watched the older man gazing up at the lights. Most of the time, people came here in pairs, families, groups. But this man was alone. Would that be his fate, too, if things didn’t go his way tonight? Forever alone? Now that they’d been reawakened, his feelings for Zhenya weren’t going to go away--an arrangement with anyone else was out of the question. It was her, and only her, who he wanted. He turned and made his way back to the seat on the park bench, dusting off the snow that had already accumulated in his absence.

The minutes passed slowly now, and the snow that had been falling rather--magically--for the last hour was beginning to stop, as if signaling the evening was coming to a close. She wasn’t coming, was she? For the first time in forever, Yuzu felt cold. It was an unfamiliar feeling--a lifetime spent on ice had made him practically immune to the sensation, but now a shaky feeling had started in his extremities and was traveling up his arms and legs. Into his core. Several more minutes passed with no activity, and finally the almost burning feeling in his reddened fingers forced his hands into a fist. This was his answer, wasn’t it? _She’s not coming._ It was too late.

Yuzu stood. An inch of snow crunched under his feet as he turned and began to walk down the pathway, back towards the subway station, the noise it made heightening each step that took him away from his dream. _It’s fine,_ he told himself. Three days ago, Zhenya had just been a memory. He’d been able to put aside his feelings once; surely he could do the same this time. But that was before. That had been because he thought she hadn’t wanted him, would never want him. And then she’d come with him tonight, danced with him tonight, looked at him like that tonight, all while disregarding the fact that she’d accepted another man’s proposal already. She wouldn’t have done _that_ if she didn’t care. If she didn’t want something more than an arrangement, just like he did. Yuzu shook his head. _No. It’s fine._ If she hadn’t come, it meant this is what she wanted. She had always given herself the power of choice. If she’d wanted to choose him, she would have. Yuzu sucked into a deep breath, but the sudden cold air shocked his lungs, making him cough.

It wasn’t fine at all.

_Thump._

The sound matched so closely to the feeling in his heart he had to pause for a moment to understand if it was audible. No, it was. It was the sound of a car door. Yuzu’s legs felt stiff under him. Could he bear to turn around again, only to be disappointed? He shouldn’t look. But he couldn’t not look. What if…

He turned. And then he felt a small smile playing on his lips.

_Everything is slow now._

Often when he was skating, he would see things like this, happening in slow motion in front of him. It was a surreal when it would happen, during his most intense visualization exercises, when the world would move at half-speed, allowing him to view everything and feel everything around him with extreme acuity. Sometimes it was so clear he would even think it was real, but then he would remember that it was just in his imagination. Just like this was just his imagination. In his imagination, she was here, her dress luminous in the glow of the lights, slowly swirling around her in a soft wave as she turned. She looked left and right, her lashes opening and closing over her large, searching eyes as her curls caught the drifting snowflakes. With the gems and crystals that glittered on her pale blue dress, she sparkled like an ice queen--but at the same time he was struck with how warm she looked, her cheeks flushed pink and her shoulders covered by a white fur stole that he wished he could bury his face in as he held her. If only he could hold her. If only she was real.

“Are you just going to stare at me or are you going to say something?”

He blinked. And then suddenly, a hot wave hit him like the first taste of that hot chocolate on his tongue. She was real. This wasn’t his imagination. She was here. His legs didn’t feel like they belonged to him as they took him towards her, his pulse taking off like axel out of nowhere. If she was here, that meant--

“Not so fast,” she said, holding her hand out to halt him. He stopped feet away from her, his heart skipping a beat. He frantically looked down to her left hand, but she swiftly moved it behind her back.

“Zhenya,” he breathed out. He needed to hold her. This distance between them… it was enough to kill him. Why had she stopped him?

“Don’t you think it was a risk, just hoping I’d get what you meant?” she asked. Her bottom lip was shaking.

“It was a risk. But I thought… if you were still you… if you remembered… if you understood… you’d come.” Speaking Japanese was supposed to be easier than speaking in English. But for some reason his words were coming out all disjointed and separated.

“I understood. You meant the first dress was the easy way out,” she said.

He felt himself exhale in relief. She _did_ understand. But then her eyes flashed.

“It wasn’t that I was looking for an easy way out,” she said sharply. “I was just busy. I have clients to take care of, people who are paying me, a fashion house that is depending on me. I didn’t have time--”

“--to give yourself what you really wanted. What you really deserved.”

She scoffed a little, but her eyebrows were flickering, her cheeks starting to turn pink. “Are you really so... arrogant to suggest that… you’re… this dress?”

Yuzu grinned. “Why not?”

She scowled at him.

“I’m just kidding,” he said, his face turning serious. “What you deserve is happiness, Zhenya.” Her eyes blinked fast as if she was remembering something. He kept going, his courage growing. “Look at you. You’re glowing. You’ve been like that all night. Would you have felt like this if you’d worn the other dress?”

She looked down, the blush obvious now. She _was_ glowing. She knew he was right, didn’t she? “The other dress didn’t turn out so bad in the end,” she said weakly, as if she was unconvinced of her own argument.

Yuzu stepped forward. “But you’d never love it like you love this one. Because this was the one you put the time and effort and hard work into.”

She opened her lips, raising her eyes slowly. “And hard work is what brings you happiness.”

Finally he felt warmth returning to his body. “So you did remember.”

“How else would I have known to come here?” she said softly. “You know I remember everything you say.”

Yuzu’s heartbeat quickened with hope. “Does that mean you’ll do this with me?”

He held out his hand, but somehow she seemed not to notice, turning away and lifting her gaze up to the trees instead. Now his own cheeks flushed. She’d come all this way… but she still wasn’t ready yet? He dropped his hand quickly, looking up at the lights. Now that she had turned, she was standing only only a footstep away. She was so close… but still so far. There was still space between them, like there always had been.

But she _was_ here.

“Shouldn’t we walk a little?” she suddenly said. “It could be anywhere.”

Yuzu nodded. And so the two of them walked, side by side, down the middle of the avenue, looking left and right and pausing here and there to peer up into the twinkling lights for a glimmer of pink--or at least pretend to, in Yuzu’s case. All he really wanted to look at was the girl next to him. He cast a sidelong glance in her direction, but just the sight of her sent his resolve crumbling. Couldn’t he just hold her, just a little? Couldn’t he just kiss her, just a little? No, he couldn’t force her--he knew that much--but he was desperate for her to see what he saw--that their lives, their stories, and their hearts were so intertwined that they could never be without each other. Wasn’t that connection what had brought them together tonight? She’d gotten his analogies, she'd followed his puzzle all the way here. And still it wasn’t enough to convince her? What else did he have to do to make her see?

He took a long breath of the cold night air. There _was_ one more thing. But he wanted--no, he _needed_ her to take the last step. She was scarred from what had happened, all those years ago, but so was he. To make things right this time, she had to come to him. On her own. Closing his eyes, his mind whispered the words. _Come to me, Zhenya. Just one more step. Just one more._

And then he felt it. Slow and soft, warm and trembling--her hand slipping into his. His eyes flew open, his heart stopping mid-beat. She was still standing next to him, not moving. But her fingers were gently closing over his now, and suddenly the feeling inside his chest was overwhelming him. He turned, their eyes meeting each other’s in the same instant.

“Zhenya,” he heard himself say her name, and before he knew it, he was stepping closer to her. This was it. She’d come to him… she was his now…

And then, she dropped his hand. His heart hit the snow-covered pavement.

Her shoulders fell. “I’m still not sure about this,” she shook her head.

His thoughts started rushing through his head. _Don’t doubt us now, Zhenya,_ he wanted to yell out. _We’ve come this far. Don’t be afraid._

“I still don’t know if I believe in--”

He interrupted her, unwilling to hear the words. “In a pink light?”

She tilted her head up at him, and a slight smile tinged her lips. “I definitely don’t believe in a pink light.”

And then she looked away, taking a deep breath.

Yuzu’s shoulders heaved. So it was time to play his very last card.

“How about a book?”

She frowned, turning back towards him. And then, all at once, her jaw dropped, her face paled, and her eyes widened in shock as they locked onto his fingers tucking the end of the red carnation into the lapel of his coat.

“ _You?”_ she whispered hoarsely. 

“You believe in statistics, don’t you?” Yuzu’s insides were shaking, but he looked her squarely in the eye. “Well, I have statistics, too. Apparently our match was off the charts.”

Her face turned crimson again as she stared at him for a long moment. And then she huffed. “You’re making that up.”

He gulped. “Okay, I don’t actually know that. My mom was the one who...“

He stopped in the middle of his sentence. Zhenya’s eyes were dancing in amusement, and she was biting her lip, trying to stop herself from smiling.

“After all that teasing you gave me, and _you_ had applied for an arrangement, too?” And then her jaw dropped again. “So _that’s_ why you were out with that girl.”

Yuzu’s cheeks flamed. “We both had our reasons, okay?” he frowned, crossing his arms. “I was doing it because my family expected me to find someone.”

She raised her eyebrows, but she was still grinning. “Oh, I see. So I’m just your best option?”

“Don’t be silly,” he said hotly, unfolding his arms. “I wasn’t going to go through with any of it,” he said, and then he paused, lowering his voice. “I could never be with anyone else, Zhenya.”

All teasing had disappeared from her face, and suddenly he saw something glistening in her eyes again. At that moment, holding back any longer became unbearable, and he reached for her, pulling her close.

“It was only ever you,” he whispered.

And then he felt her melting into him like the snowflakes on his coat, her head nestling under his neck, her arms slipping around his back.

“Why didn’t you tell me back then?” she whispered, her fingers tightening as they grasped the fabric of his coat. “What could it have hurt? We lost each other anyway. We lost so much time, Yuzu.”

Yuzu leaned back. “Does that mean…” It was silly to ask now, now that she was in his arms, looking back up at him with eyes like this. He knew the answer. But he still wanted to hear it. “Did you...love me, then?” He swallowed, the words feeling strange on his tongue.

“Then… and before then… and… now.” She blinked, and then buried her cheek back into his chest. “I never thought I’d ever feel like that again. That’s why I thought I needed an arrangement.”

Yuzu swallowed again, this time with a little more difficulty. “Arrangements aren’t so bad, now that I think about it.”

She leaned back, looking up at him, and he couldn’t help but wonder if she was breathing a little faster. “No, I don’t think they are.”

She couldn’t possibly look any more beautiful than she did right now, her smooth skin shimmering in the lights, her deep brown eyes connected with his, her lips parted, waiting. He was moving closer now, those lips more irresistible than his most coveted gold.

“Yuzu,” she whispered.

He paused, closing his eyes as he let out a little breath. She wasn’t going to make him wait _more,_ was she? Did she want to absolutely torture him? “Yes?” he asked, but not without a touch of impatience.

“Make it slow,” she said, and a rush of warmth flooded through him. “And… long.” Her words caught in her throat, and the sound made his stomach flip flop. “I want to remember everything,” she whispered, her breathing unmistakably heavier now.

“Me, too,” he whispered. Only millimeters separated them now. They were so close…

And then the lights went off.

A gasp of exasperation flew out of Yuzu’s mouth. “Seriously, what is with these lights?! Does the universe hate me?”

He heard Zhenya giggling. “It’s just 11 o’clock, Yuzu.”

“Whatever,” he said, frustratedly trying to see her as his eyes adjusted to the sparse light from the street lights. “I’m going to kiss you anyway.”

He reached out with his hand for her face, angling it towards his, and his heartbeat accelerated again as the anticipation of feeling her warm mouth started to make his head spin. _Make it slow,_ he repeated her words to prevent himself from diving in too carelessly. He breathed in, inhaling her scent. And then, his mouth slowly, softly found hers. Immediately he was drowning in the taste of her lips, and the returned pressure of her kiss made his fingers ache in a way that could only be satisfied by pulling her closer, and closer. She was finally, finally his. And he was never letting her go.

The cold wetness on his lips as they separated for a short breath should have made him shiver, but the thought that he had never felt so warm drifted briefly through Yuzu's head instead before he kissed her again. It was something out of a dream, standing here with the snow lightly falling onto their shoulders, the golden glow of the lights surrounding them--

Wait… the lights?

“Ahem.”

He pulled back to see an old woman with a cane watching them with interest.

“Weren’t you two looking for the light?” she asked.

He glanced at Zhenya, who didn't seem surprised at all by the woman's sudden appearance. He cleared his throat. “Yes, but… don’t the lights shut off at 11?”

“They do. But I turned them back on.”

Yuzu stared at her. “Why?”

“Because you were so close.”

So close?

“I didn’t want you to miss out on finding your happily ever after,” she said, her eyes twinkling as she waved her cane up to the trees above them. “It’s right here.”

“No, it’s right here.”

Yuzu looked quickly at Zhenya, expecting her to have somehow spotted the pink light without him. But instead, she was smiling up at him.

“Thank you so much,” she said to the woman. “But we don’t need to find the light anymore.”

Yuzu turned his body to her, frowning. “Yes, we do.”

“No, we don’t,” Zhenya smiled. “Let’s put the hard work into us now.”

Yuzu’s heart had never felt so full. His arms wrapped around her again, his head dipping down to hers. And then he remembered the old woman was watching. He blushed and looked back--but to his surprise, she was gone.

“How did she just...disappear?” he wondered incredulously, looking up and down the avenue.

Over the silence of the soft snow, Zhenya’s soft laugh met his ears.

“Magic.”

 

\---The End---

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they lived happily ever after...haha.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed my little sappy Christmas story. I may be writing a bonus chapter (because I want to write more fluff, okay??) but I have been extremely distracted by figure skating, as I hope all of you are as well, haha. The reason for such a long wait between chapters is because I was actually at Skate Canada last weekend, and it was AMAZING to see Zhenya live, especially with all the drama. She is so stunning in person (I was rinkside for many of the practices), and I am even more in awe of her now. She is such a fighter, so strong, so talented (um... her choreography for her ex was breathtaking)... wahhh I'm such a fangirl. Now I will fangirl over Yuzu this weekend, haha. Feel free to post your thoughts on all the GP things in the comments, I will definitely enjoy reading and responding to them!


	13. Quietly (Bonus Chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffity fluff fluff. Because Zhenya has nowhere else to stay. Because attraction. This is what Wakaba meant. Well, almost, lol. #thisisthelongestdayever #totallynotrealistic #iwouldbesleeping

“Okay, quietly now. They’re probably already asleep.”

Zhenya felt her fingers involuntarily tightening around Yuzu’s hand as they reached the door to his house. Pausing, he looked down at her, and the realization that he was so aware of everything she did made her heart flutter again.

“It’ll be fine, even if they are awake.”

“Oh no, it’s not that,” Zhenya said, trying to ignore the butterflies making their way into her stomach.

Yuzu completely turned now, tilting his head inquisitively. “What is it?”

The strange feeling inside her chest suddenly overwhelmed her and she looked down. “I just--” she faltered. “I just never thought… this morning...that I’d be at your house tonight.”

There was a long moment of silence in response, and finally she looked back up at him. In the light from the porch, she could see he was grinning. “I wasn’t expecting to be bringing home a girl either.”

She looked away. “You probably do this all the time now that you live by yourself in Toronto.”

“Hah,” Yuzu blurted out loudly, and then he covered his own mouth, glancing at the house.

“So...you don’t?”

“Why are you the one asking questions?” Yuzu raised his eyebrows. “You were engaged a few hours ago. Don’t tell me you didn’t--”

“He never even kissed me,” Zhenya interrupted him. She avoided his eyes, a little embarrassed to admit it. But then, suddenly, she felt Yuzu’s hands firmly on her waist, turning her towards him.

“I knew there was something wrong with that guy,” Yuzu said, leaning closer to her. “How could he have possibly held back--”

Zhenya’s heart jumped at his nearness. “Maybe I just didn't let him,” she swatted at him reflexively.

Yuzu grinned before narrowing his eyes a little. “Because you were still in love with me?”

“Maybe,” she whispered. She felt her eyelids closing against her will as Yuzu pulled her closer, the tip of his cold nose brushing against her cheek, his breath warm against her skin. It’d only been a few hours since she’d known how he felt, but already she felt like her heart was flooding over, and each second that was passing seemed to take forever, making the desire to feel his lips again even stronger. And then she felt a low rumble in his chest.

“I’d better get you inside,” he chuckled.

He pulled away, turning back towards the door, and Zhenya breathed the cold air in quickly to try to cool the hot feeling in her face. How dare he do that to her and then just go away? She stared at his back as he turned his key in the lock, and then she smiled a little, admiring his frame, his shoulders, his dark hair. His hair was slightly on the longer side--she’d always liked that--and she found herself wondering what it would feel like to touch it. If he held her again, could she put her arms around his neck and let her fingers just accidentally--

“Are you coming in?”

Zhenya blinked. Yuzu was looking at her from the entrance, smirking. She glared at him, mortified to have been caught daydreaming...about him.

He reached back and pulled her through the doorway. “Everyone’s in bed,” he whispered, the lights low in the hallway beyond the entrance. “I guess they’ll just have a surprise in the morning,” he grinned, and Zhenya’s stomach flip-flopped. In the morning. She was really going to spend the night here, wasn’t she? After all, she had no other choice this late at night. Regardless, the thought made her cheeks feel warm again. And then she shook her head. Yuzu’s parents must be right down that hallway, his sister somewhere nearby. She’d be lucky to get a good night kiss now that they were inside.

Yuzu reached down to remove his shoes, and Zhenya did the same, struggling a bit to find her feet under the dress’ multiple layers of fabric. When she straightened, he was staring down at her.

“What?” she whispered.

“You’re shorter than I remembered.” He grinned. “It’s cute.”

She frowned. “Enough of that,” she scolded him, looking around. “Where am I sleeping?”

“With me, of course.”

Her mouth went dry. “What?”

The next instant, Yuzu had wrapped her inside his arms, his body coming in close contact with hers. “You think I’m going to let you out of my sight?” he whispered, his lips so close to her ear she thought she was going to die. “I want to hold you all night, Zhenya.”

“You… do?” The words barely made it out of her mouth, her chest felt so tight.

“Yeah,” he whispered, letting the smooth skin of his cheek slide against hers.

“But--your family--”

Yuzu leaned back, a smile crossing his lips. “I’ll hold you...very quietly.”

Zhenya looked over her shoulder in the direction of the bedrooms. “I don’t want them to think--”

“Don’t worry,” Yuzu grinned. “They know I wouldn’t do anything across the hall from them. Nothing like… that.”

Zhenya’s cheeks flamed again. “I wouldn’t let you anyway.”

Yuzu smirked. “Come on.”

He reached down, grabbing her head, and before she realized what was happening he was leading her into another room--his room--closing the door behind them. The sound alone made her stomach somersault. It was dark now that the door was shut, and she heard him fumbling for the light.

“You don’t know where your own light is?” she attempted to tease him.

“I do,” Yuzu retorted, and just then a small lamp turned on, bathing them in a warm, dim glow. It was then she saw his cheeks were flushed a little, too, and her eyes dropped to his Adam’s apple moving as he swallowed. Was he as affected by this as much as she was?  

He suddenly turned away. “I hope you don’t mind a futon,” he said, sliding a closet door open and pulling out an extra pillow.

“I don’t mind,” Zhenya murmured. “But I might mind sleeping in this dress.”

He turned around and stared at her. “Right.” And then he looked down at himself. Had he forgotten he was wearing that suit, too?

“Do you have anything I can change into?” Zhenya asked.

“Um,” Yuzu replied, and then he turned his back to her again, opening another closet and sifting through his wardrobe in a scattered manner.

Zhenya bit her lip, amused. Where had the confident boy making her swoon outside in the hallway suddenly gone? She sidled up to him and looked over his shoulder.

“This,” she said, reaching around him and snagging a T-shirt. “And this.” A pair of gym shorts. “Can I wear these?”

Yuzu nodded.

“Where’s the bathroom?”

A few minutes later, Zhenya was standing outside Yuzu’s room again, dressed in his clothes, the dress draped over her arm. Her heart thumped as she reached for the door handle. What if he wasn’t finished changing? Should she knock? But maybe that would wake his parents. No, she just had to go in. Slowly, quietly she turned the knob.

Thank goodness, he was clothed. Dressed in a soft cotton T-shirt and comfortable-looking pants, he was kneeling on the futon, folding the pieces of his suit, but at the sound of her coming in, he immediately looked up. His eyes took her in for just a moment, and then he cast the suit aside and stood up, surprising her a little. The next instant, he was in front of her, reaching up and touching her face, looking at her with eyes larger than normal.

Her eyes lowered involuntarily as it was her turn to feel shy. “What are you doing?”

“Making sure you’re real,” he said softly. “I told you I didn’t want to let you out of my sight.”

“I’m real,” Zhenya said, her gaze rising to meet his. In one swift motion, he took the dress out of her arms and dropped it in a heap on the floor, and then his hands went around her waist, their heat seeping through her shirt. She expected him to pull her in, but instead he started walking backwards with her towards the futon, and her heart beat wildly in her chest. He hadn't even kissed her yet. Why was she already feeling like this? Flustered, she separated from him, plopping casually down on her own, trying to breathe a little more calmly.

She reached up to her hair and pulled out a bobby pin. “I have to take these out before I sleep,” she announced, setting it next to her, hoping her voice disguised her nervousness. “There’s a lot.” Her fingers felt around for another one.

He stood, staring at her for a second, and then he sat down behind her, out of her sight. She blushed, conscious of the fact they were now on the same bed together and even more strongly aware of how close he was sitting behind her. She tried to focus on finding the next hair pin--until she felt Yuzu’s hand on hers. Her heart skipped a beat, her hand falling away.

“Zhenya,” he whispered, his voice soft and low behind her.

She gulped, shutting her eyes. “Yes?”

“I could sleep on the couch.”

Zhenya’s eyes opened. “No--” she said quickly, and then she swallowed, realizing how much she wanted him to stay. “It’s just--so many things happened today. It’s kind of overwhelming for me. But I want to be here, with you.”

“I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do.”

“I know.”

“So...will you let me do this?”

She couldn’t see him--what was he asking? But before she turned around, she felt a pin slipping out of her hair. She let out a breath, smiling. “Yes.”

Locks of hair gently fell to her shoulders as he pulled out the pins, one by one. And then she felt him moving closer, the heat of his body radiating into her back.

“And can I do this?” He swept her hair aside, exposing her neck before she felt his warm lips softly touch her skin. She trembled a little, shivers racing through her spine.

“Yes,” she whispered.

He pressed his lips to the back of her neck one more time before she felt his hands on her shoulders, turning her around towards him. At the sight of his face, Zhenya felt weak. How was this possible? It’d been so long--and now she was here, with him, and he was looking at her like that?

“What about… this?” He leaned forward, his lips hovering over her cheek.

“Yes,” she barely managed to get out, and then his lips brushed her skin, the sensation overpowering her ability to keep her eyes open. Her heart was racing now, his questions turning this into a guessing game of what would be next. Next--would be--a real kiss,wouldn’t it? But there was a long pause, and curiosity got the better of her, her eyes fluttering open. He was close--spellbindingly close, his head tilted, his eyes searching hers.

“And… this?” His lips moved even closer to hers, and the anticipation of his kiss made her head spin. And then she realized he was waiting for her answer.

“Ye--” she started, but before she could even finish the word, he was kissing her full on the mouth, faster and harder than their first kiss in the city earlier tonight. The way his lips kept changing their movement on hers sent shockwaves through her body, but it wasn’t nervousness anymore. In fact, she found herself wondering how she could have possibly felt nervous about this only moments ago. There was nothing that felt more right than being in Yuzu’s arms, nothing that felt more perfect than his lips pressing deeper and deeper into her own. Was this what Wakaba had been talking about? Was this what it was supposed to feel like? Was she being swept off her feet?

He pulled away before she wanted him to, and she felt herself reaching out for him before stopping her hands in mid air, letting them drop in embarrassment. She _was_ being swept off her feet. He looked at her, a smile flitting across his lips before he bit down on his bottom lip. She looked away. Why was that so cute?

And then she looked back. Something in his eyes had changed, and her stomach somersaulted. Was there… a next thing? There was. “Can we…”

The words died in his throat as his eyes locked with hers, and then he was laying her down on the bed, before settling next to her, lying on his side so he could look at her. A dizzy wave passed over her. He wasn’t even touching her right now, but just the fact that they were lying next to each other was making it hard to breathe right now.

“Is this… okay?” he asked, his eyebrows raised.

He’d promised not to do anything crazy. His parents were right out there. It would be safe, wouldn’t it? Finally she turned to face him and nodded.

He tilted his head, and suddenly he looked a little amused.

“Are you just going to say yes to everything I ask?”

“No,” she frowned. He looked at her skeptically. They had gone from hair pins to lying next to each other in the span of two minutes, after all. “Probably,” she admitted.

“Is it because you’re in love with me?”

She blinked and rolled onto her back so she only see him out of her peripheral vision. “Yes,” she whispered.

There was a long pause, and then, all at once, he was leaning over her, his lips coming down over hers again. One long, deep kiss, and then he pulled away, but just barely.  

“I love you,” he whispered. Zhenya’s heart skipped. He hadn’t...actually said that before, had he?

“I love you,” she heard herself whispering back, and then she felt her arms going around his neck, pulling her back to him. Their lips found each other’s again, and something about the heavy way he kissed her this time immediately set her body on fire. Without thinking, her hands wandered up his neck, her fingers tentatively touching his hair. She let out a little breath. It was coarser and thicker than she’d expected, but somehow it seemed even more satisfying to wind her fingers into it, until it elicited an audible sigh from Yuzu. The sound startled both of them, and he pulled back a little.

“What are you--why does that feel--” he stammered, and then he dove back into her again, his kisses more intense, more passionate. Her pulse rocketed as she felt his hands venturing over her body without permission this time, moving along her sides, and beginning to slide under her. And then she felt his legs coming closer to hers, and then he was moving on top of her, his weight pushing down into her body. She couldn’t think anymore, she couldn’t breathe.

“Can I do this, Zhenya? Can I?” His breathing sounded loud and ragged in her ear, and his voice was begging, desperate. Her cheeks burning and her heart pounding, she couldn’t even respond, but her eyes drifted towards the door. She felt his body grow limp, and he slid off of her, chuckling a little.

“Oh, yes… quietly. Quietly,” he reminded himself, laying on his back.

“You were so sure you could be quiet earlier,” Zhenya teased him.

Yuzu huffed and turned to his side again, propping himself up on one elbow. “I didn’t know you were going to touch me like that.”

Zhenya giggled. “Like what? All I did was touch your hair. Imagine if I did something like this,” she said. And then she reached forward, sliding her hand along his stomach before pulling the bottom of his shirt up, exposing his abs. He gasped and grabbed her hand before she could touch his skin.

She smirked and yanked her hand free. “Silly. I was just going to do this,” she said, poking him with her finger.

He glared at her and poked her back. And then she poked him again, and then, laughing, he sat up and full-on tickled her. She barely suppressed a howl before he clapped his hand over her mouth, pinning her down with his body as she fought to tickle him back.

But the play came to an abrupt halt as they both realized he was on top of her again, his arms holding him up over her on either side. She gulped. “How did we end up like this again?”

He didn’t respond, just staring down at her. And then he lowered himself over her and kissed her softly again. But soft kisses were worse right now, because they only made her want more. More, and more.

“Quietly,” she whispered into his mouth as his arms and legs wrapped completely around her, rolling them onto their sides again.

“Quietly,” he repeated, drawing her head down into his chest, snuggling her tightly. “Can we sleep like this?”

“Okay,” she murmured, but in her head she contemplated if she’d ever actually be able to sleep with her body touching his in so many places. She closed her eyes, concentrating on his heartbeat as it slowed into a steady, comforting rhythm under her ear. A few minutes passed in silence, and she wondered if he’d fallen asleep.

But then he stirred a little. “Zhenya?”

“Mm?”

“Will you really say yes to everything I ask?”

She froze. “Maybe,” she said hesitantly. She felt his body tense, and then she felt the warmth of his breath as his lips came close to her ear.

“Would you...say yes...to marrying me?”

She drew away, her face suddenly tingling. Was he… serious?

He sat up, pulling her up with him. Her heart pounded as she looked at him. She had never seen him look so serious.

“I’m only in Japan one more week,” he said hurriedly. “I want to bring you home with me--to Canada.” And then he drew in a sharp breath. “Am I crazy?”

Zhenya gaped at him. “Yes, you’re crazy.”

“I know you have your work here, but maybe we can figure something out--long distance, or commuting, or--”

Zhenya pressed her finger to his lips, quieting him. “You forgot I like crazy,” she whispered.

His eyes sparked. “Does that mean--are you saying--”

“You’re going to have to ask me for real, Yuzu,” she said, lifting her chin. “On one knee and everything.”

He instantly scrambled off the futon, and on his way, he swiped a hair pin and then bent it with some effort into the circular shape of a ring. She stared at it. It was brown and misshapen and a far cry from the glittering diamond that had been on her finger a few hours before, but it was still the prettiest ring she’d ever seen. And he didn’t look anything like a Prince Charming now, dressed in a black V-neck and sweatpants, but he was still everything she’d ever wanted.

And then her heart beat fast as he knelt down--although somehow he was still taller than her as she sat on the low futon.

“I.. didn’t plan this very well,” he muttered.

“That’s what makes it so perfect, Yuzu.”

“Maybe you’re right,” he softly. “ _Eto_ … ah, I don’t have any speech prepared either. Except that...I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember, Zhenya. And that I’ll love you as long as I live.” He smiled a little at himself. “So much that I don’t even want to go one night without making sure you’re mine forever. Will you marry me, Evgenia Medvedeva?”

She bit her lip, unable to stop her own smile. And then she leaned forward, bringing her lips close to his ear, whispering as quietly as she could. “Yes.”


End file.
